In this ninth episode of Women Winning Divorce, Florida Women's Law Group CEO, owner and attorney, Heather Quick talks about prenups and postnups. Does a prenup mean someone is a gold digger? When should you get a prenup? When should you consider a postnup?
"Women Winning Divorce" is a radio show and podcast hosted by Heather Quick, CEO and Owner of Florida Women's Law Group. Each week we focus on different aspects of family law to help guide women through the difficult and emotional legal challenges they are facing. Heather brings over 20 years of law experience that advocates and empowers women to achieve happier and healthier lives. Join Heather each week as she discusses family law issues including divorce, custody, alimony, paternity, narcissism, mediation and more.
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Women Winning Divorce
Episode 9
Pre- and Post-Nuptial Agreements
Julie Morgan:
Welcome to Women Winning Divorce with your host, Heather Quick. Heather brings over 20 years of law experience that advocates and empowers women to achieve happier and healthier lives. Each week, we provide knowledge and guidance on different aspects of family law to help lead women through the difficult and emotional legal challenges that they're facing. Listen in as she discusses issues, including divorce, custody, alimony, paternity, narcissism, mediation, and other family law issues to provide insight on the journey of women winning divorce.
Julie Morgan:
Welcome to the show. I'm Julie Morgan. And I'm joined by your host, Heather Quick. Hi, Heather. Good to see you again.
Heather Quick:
Great to see you as well, Julie.
Julie Morgan:
Two awesome topics, one show, prenup, postnup. Oh, let's get into it. What is a prenup?
Heather Quick:
A prenuptial agreement is essentially a contract before you get married with your soon to be husband about how things are going to play out if you get divorced.
Julie Morgan:
Okay. So, it's exactly what we've heard in the past about this topic.
Heather Quick:
Yes.
Julie Morgan:
Okay.
Heather Quick:
I mean, really, it can be whatever you want it to be, if you want it to be a contract for how you want things to go during the marriage as well. But it's primarily on how things will end up in the event of a divorce.
Julie Morgan:
All right. But I think of prenups, isn't that just really for celebrities or people with family money?
Heather Quick:
It is really for anyone who has assets coming into the marriage. Particularly for women, professional women, you may have invested a lot of time and money in a career. Even if you're only at the beginning of the career, there are ways to protect yourselves in a prenup in the event maybe you take time off for child rearing and things like that. There are many things that we can do, even if it's not money that you have now, that you want to protect. That seems to be the most common and first thought somebody has is, "Well, if I don't have assets now on my own, why do I need a prenup?"
Julie Morgan:
Right. That's exactly what I'm thinking. I'm thinking, "Okay, I have this coming into the marriage and just in case something happens, I want to make sure I have it when I leave it as well."
Heather Quick:
Correct. When you're sitting in the chair here with me and saying, "Well, no, I did this. I did that,” and most often without a prenup, it has morphed itself into a marital asset and/or things have been sold, things have been retitled, all because you really didn't understand before the marriage how that would work. That's something we talk about all the time. You don't know what you don't know. Maybe you've never been through that experience and it's not something you want to even look at or consider when you're in love and planning a wedding.
Julie Morgan:
This really tells me, I should seek professional advice regardless of what I think I have or what I think I don't have. A professional is necessary.
Heather Quick:
Exactly, we've talked about out these things before a little bit. I, as a businessperson, anytime you are going to go into a contractual relationship or a business arrangement, you need to do your due diligence.Sometimes you do sign contracts before you go into things. Well, you are entering into essentially a contract that is going to be dictated by Florida law, so, you can let Florida decide how things will be when you divorce, or you can educate yourself and say, "Why don't we be smart about this and plan this out ahead of time." That way, then we are making the decision on what we would think it should be, versus relying on what the legislatures and the State of Florida have determined it to be.
Julie Morgan:
Okay, you mentioned that it's more than just money, right? What sort of things are covered in a prenup in addition to money, of course?
Heather Quick:
Well, we also deal with debts. I think that is really important and something we don't talk enough about and certainly couples don't, because many times in divorces there's a lot of financial disagreement. That is a big, big part that you need to talk about, there always tends to be there's a spender and a saver. It's helpful to talk about that, because those debts, you don’t want half of them when you feel as though you didn't agree to those debts.
Julie Morgan:
That's a really good one. Both parties should really, really explore this ahead of time.
Heather Quick:
When you see it on the backend, during the divorce, what's fascinating and totally normal is our clients, as women, their perception of what’s fair and what’s right is not always right. Now, it may be fair, but we're not at the county fair, theirs is no cotton candy or funnel cakes. This is the law, and it is not always the same as what morally you think would be right, or what your version of fair may be. That's why these conversations could really improve marriages and maybe prevent divorces, if the conversation was there with a prenup and those types of issues.
Julie Morgan:
I think about fair as well in this situation, who cares if I'm fair? That's possibly their mindset. "I don't care if I'm fair, this is what I want to do."
Heather Quick:
Correct, if this is what the law says, then I don't need to think, even if I don't think it's fair. Again, we are dealing with the laws in the State of Florida and/or if you live in any other state, divorce is by statute. Depending on what type of state you live in, it is going to dictate the rules that the divorce is going to follow.
One of the things that I think we realize once we're in a marriage that would be helpful to discuss ahead of time is, what is your or a belief system around money? We all grow up with different influences and have different perceptions. Beginning that discussion and just having an understanding that this is why I think this way about this, and these are my beliefs. That's why sometimes financial counselors can be very helpful in just understanding, because really even understanding yourself, understanding your circumstances allows you some clarity in moving forward.
Part of understanding of why a prenup could be helpful is because it could be part of this process where we're examining our beliefs about money or our beliefs about parenting. You really don't contract in a prenup about the children per se, but I think it opens that conversation to, "What is our household going to look like?"Maybe you're going into this marriage and your fiancé thinks, "Well, my mom stayed home. We all turned out great. They are still married. I want you to stay home." The woman is going into this thinking, "I've always worked. My parents got divorced. My mom had to work, if she hadn't had a job, it would've been really rough. So, I have no intention of at this point of staying home and raising our children." That might be a good conversation to have prior to marriage.
Heather Quick:
There's just so many things that maybe just a conversation and opening those lines of communication can be helpful as you're starting in on marriage. We can talk about some other things that we can pinpoint during the marriage, but it begins a conversation, and then it can lead to an agreement, a contract between the two of you.
Julie Morgan:
Yeah, that would be a great conversation to have ahead of time, exactly how things are going to lay out. So, assets and debts, spousal support and alimony, just in case something happens, that's also included or can be?
Heather Quick:
It is and it can be.That was why I was saying from my perspective, if you've invested a lot in your career, but then even if it's just, "if I stay home with these kids and put my career on hold for yours, I want there to be an agreement that I will be entitled to X amount of years of alimony for the years that I contributed to your career." It'll be a percentage or something of your income, because this is a contract between the two of you. Now, it can't be contrary to the law in Florida, but it could be more elaborate.
The laws, they can change, the laws that as they are today, when you married may be different. Therefore, if you're able to come to an agreement and contract on that, I think that could be very, very valuable for so many women. The alimony laws are frequently at issue in the State of Florida and it's a way to protect yourself.
Julie Morgan:
Also, marital conduct as well, that's a big one.
Heather Quick:
Yes, that is frequently in there a lot of times it will be. You may have seen this[BC1] or it would make a headline probably in a celebrity prenup, "if you cheat, you get nothing." I do find that interesting in many of the prenups that I review that it's not always reciprocal. I would say if that's what your husband wants, I think that ought to be, he needs to pay double or something. I mean, that's just off the top of my head, but that would seem fair.
Julie Morgan:
I like the way you think. This also could outline the expectations in the marriage, household responsibilities, vacations, visits from in-laws, things like that. I've never heard of that.
Heather Quick:
Yes, and I think that those are really important things. Again, it's almost like premarital counseling through a prenup, but it can be very valuable because again, you're having these conversations, and you bring up the subject because what if your husband thinks, "of course my mom is going to come live with us when we have kids." You may be like, "wait, I didn't expect that." Or likewise, as your mother, you may think, "Of course, my mother is going to come live with us and help us take care of the kids." Your husband might say, "No way did I sign up for that." I think those are really good questions to discuss, because you are about to embark on a journey and a partnership with one another, and with the law, there's certainly implications there.
These things happen, you're not marrying just an individual, you get the whole family with it.Most couples work this stuff out and for some, maybe it's an argument forever, "Where are we going to spend Thanksgivings and Christmases until we have kids? And are we going to alternate families and do that?" Julie, having had parents that divorced, I always was used to how we alternate the holidays so, that is not an uncommon conversation, where the holidays will be. Some people never talk about it. There is that movie, it just occurred to me that one, Four Christmases. If each side's parents are divorced, you have to go to all these families or have all these Thanksgivings. It could be worth a conversation or an agreement ahead of time.
Julie Morgan:
Side note, I love that movie. Every single year, every time it comes on, I'm watching it. It's just, I love that movie. Oh my goodness. People look at prenups as something that's just not romantic and I get that. But based on all the things that we've talked about, even though it's not romantic, it could be just the way to go.
Heather Quick:
I think it's really reframing the way we think about it. I think it's what's smart. It doesn't have to be adversarial because I mean, and I know it seems like you're planning the breakup. I think the fact that you're willing to both discuss it, it gives you maybe even a little bit more of a chance to go against the odds of getting divorced. If you're willing to explore these conversations and talk about issues that are going to come up in your marriage that may very potentially cause disagreements, because you're both coming from different families, different points of views, different belief systems.Even if you have previously been married, unless you are remarrying the same person, the two of you haven't been married to each other before. It's at least worth the conversation because these topics can be difficult for most people to talk about in general and they may be things they've never even thought about.
Julie Morgan:
Things I never even thought about, let me tell. You're listening to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney for Florida Women's Law Group. Heather, let's talk about situations when a prenup is a good idea.
Heather Quick:
Absolutely, first, when there is a disparity in wealth. If one of you is entering that marriage with more money than the other, I think what we would commonly think of as family wealth or an inheritance. I think it's really important to think, should I consider this and understand how the law is going to treat this money? Maybe I should protect it because it's from my family and I want it to continue to stay in the family.
Julie Morgan:
So, this is one I think of, and I say, okay you may think I'm a gold digger and so this is why you want me to sign this.
Heather Quick:
Well, that would probably be a very normal response, but if the money is in the family and I want it to continue to grow and remain in the family. The only way to do that is to sign this prenup and/or have the money put in a trust, which would probably be a very wise move. On a side note, with a lot of generational wealth there tends to be a trust because that is one of the biggest things that threatens to decrease that wealth is divorces.
Even if that money is in a trust, there still may be implications in the event of a divorce that make sense to again, have a prenup. What I would hope is that women who have that trust on their behalf and have that money are thinking this way as often as men are, because that's where I see a disparity. Women aren't asking for prenups as often as they should. That's just a little side pitch, but I think it's true.
Julie Morgan:
I believe that's true. I mean, obviously I'm not in the business, but I feel like that's true. Do you believe it's because we are more trusting? Or why do you think that is?
Heather Quick:
I don't know if I would go as far as to say we are more trusting, but maybe we want to believe our fiancé. We want to believe what we want to believe about him and/or our husband and maybe we don't want to know if he says, no. Maybe we don't want to hear that, maybe we're not as confident. Maybe we're thinking, this doesn't fall into the happily ever after, marry your prince charming belief that I grew up with, therefore, this is difficult for me to bring up. I don't think men have that at all, from a standpoint of, there may be a reason they don't want to ask, but it's not that reason.
Julie Morgan:
Yes, yes, yes. I tell you. One of the other things that I thought about, so when one partner is wealthier than the other, another thing that popped in my mind is age. Could that possibly be a reason as well?
Heather Quick:
That can. I think because in a prenup agreement, and we're going to talk about this from some of the other reasons, but in that prenuptial, you can waive your rights to inherit. Again, the law is attached to certain rights to husbands and wives, even in the event of death, as far as what they would inherit. If someone says, "Well, you can take care of that within a will," a will can be changed. You can change your mind as often as you want and redo it. On the other hand, a prenup is a contract between the two of you and you can't change that on your own.
Julie Morgan:
Okay, that's exactly what I was going to ask you. That does make sense because in order to change it, I need your signature in order to make the changes that I want to make.
Heather Quick:
Right, and that will be the second half of the show, because then that becomes a post-nup, if you're already married. That's a whole different ball of wax. It's different. It's all different.
Julie Morgan:
Okay, let's talk about another reason. One or both own a business.
Heather Quick:
Yes, that's a very good reason to sign a prenup for many reasons. If you own a business before you get married, that's going to become marital, but you may have other partners in the business. Once you get married, now your wife, your husband is essentially a partner in the business. To protect the interests of the business from a divorce, it makes sense to look at a prenup it makes a lot of sense in protecting the business.
Julie Morgan:
What if my spouse is my business partner, does that just create even more issues?
Heather Quick:
It would be good to outline, because if you and your spouse are in business together, and the business provides you and your family a livelihood, it would be so unfortunate that a divorce ends the business that supports you both. So, to the extent that you can really identify, how will we handle this in a divorce? How will the business survive and continue to support us, if we are both involved in the business, working in the business? That could really save both of you financially in the event of a divorce because you've already decided ahead of time, we're going to agree. This is just an example, but one person is going to buy the other person out. This is how this would look, because we don't envision that we would be able to work together if there was a divorce."
Julie Morgan:
Talk about a messy situation. What about if you have children from previous relationships?
Heather Quick:
That one is not received poorly as maybe another one, because really that just has to do with, "I have children and it's important that they inherit from me and that I they are protected." Therefore, the best way to do that is in a prenup, because again, that is not something that you can take care of in your will, because you cannot disinherit your spouse unless they have signed a prenup. They are entitled to a certain amount of your estate. If there’s not a prenup and you were to just put that in your will, your spouse could contest that and they would get a certain portion of the estate. I know that was shocking to you.
Julie Morgan:
Yeah, this is my will. I mean, that's what I'm thinking. This is my will. This is what I want to happen just in case I die. Right? Or when I die.
Heather Quick:
Yes.
Julie Morgan:
So, I can't tell you how I want my money to flow.
Heather Quick:
Not in regards to your spouse, unless they've signed a prenup. Again, in the State of Florida, there are certain rules as it relates to husband and wives. That does include if they are still your husband when you die. You would have to have a prenup where they waive the right to inherit, or they agree to a certain amount that may be more than what the law dictates. But that is really the only way to make sure that happens.
Julie Morgan:
So, I see here that this also applies if there are elderly parents that need to be taken care of as well, that can be included in a prenup. It's probably a good idea just in case that's a situation going on.
Heather Quick:
Yes, because that can be a burden financially or just, obviously emotionally. That can absolutely be handled in a prenup. Sometimes elderly parents may see, "we will give you the money to put on an addition for us and let us live there." But there's no contract that says, "that was my parent's money. We're divorcing. I want that extra part out of this house." That could be a very smart thing to have written out.
Julie Morgan:
Okay. I know I'm going to the next segment, but could that be in a postnup?
Heather Quick:
You could. But you see, the post-nup, and when we get into that, you'll understand it's a lot more detailed. I'll save it for why, but yes, you could. Yes, you could.
Julie Morgan:
Okay. Look at me trying to run ahead. Okay.
Heather Quick:
Oh no. You're just fired up.
Julie Morgan:
Another reason, if one partner has been divorced before, is that usually one of the top two reasons in addition to money, the other person has been divorced? Is that one of the top two?
Heather Quick:
I would say, yes. Now, I will tell you the person who's been divorced before, they're going to be a little more savvy. They've learned some things. I would be a wary woman, if you're marrying somebody who's been divorced before, and you're the one with the assets. Maybe they lost everything in the divorce or what they say is everything but is really half. I would certainly, if you're marrying somebody who's been divorced before, I think you should definitely seek some legal counsel on issues that would be helpful for you in a prenup.
Julie Morgan:
All right. You got to expound on that one. That's a good topic because I never thought about that. There could be a reason for this.
Heather Quick:
Now you're the one that has the house and he's like, "No, let's move into your house. If you love me, you’ll put me on the deed." Now, it's a marital house, not your house. Or, "Let's take a loan from your 401(k) to add into this house that now has my name on it. And now, let's make everything that's yours, mine and ours." Versus you keep yours and I keep mine.
Julie Morgan:
Heather, I feel like you've seen it all and heard it all. What do the statistics say about divorce and marriages after the first? I mean really, to be serious, this is something, this is probably the reason why this one is on this list.
Heather Quick:
Yes, and it is. The statistics are that 50% of marriages will end in a divorce. Now, if it's a second or third marriage, those statistics go even higher. It's really like 60% to 70% of those subsequent marriages end in divorce.
Julie Morgan:
I wonder what the statistic is, if you've married the same person two or three times.
Heather Quick:
I don't know. I mean, I've certainly have come across those situations, but I think that's a lower percentage of people who do that, but it has certainly happened.
Julie Morgan:
Yeah, okay. One partner has more debt. I know this is something that we talked about in the first segment of the show. Just in case you guys missed it, you can go to our website, womenwinningdivorce.com to download the episode and take a listen. So, one partner has more debt.
Heather Quick:
Yes, and that is something, again, they might not disclose, and it might not be as apparent as they have a lot of money You really need to have that discussion. That would be a great reason for a prenup because that's their premarital debt. But then during the marriage, are they trying to roll it into things that are marital? Maybe if you're helping them pay it off.
But then, five or 10 years later, you're like, "Oh my gosh, what about all that money I helped to pay off their debt and now they have no debt." That happens a lot, I have seen that many times. That would be just in and of itself a reason to say, "that debt, even if it's gone, I get paid back, if I helped you pay that off, because that was not my debt." Even if that was the only thing it covered, I think that would help a lot of men and women. But I only see the women who have done that and it's very discouraging because they were in it for both to move forward and become financially stable. But now they're like, "I helped them pay all this money off, now we're divorcing, and I get no credit back for that."
Julie Morgan:
If you think about it, when the creditors come for their money, they don't really care that you didn't have that debt before you got married. They just want their money.
Heather Quick:
And if for some reason you now are joint on debt with them, yeah, they're coming for their money.
Julie Morgan:
Oh, so many places to go with this topic, I tell you. You're listening to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney for Florida Women's Law Group. Heather, what is a post-nup?
Heather Quick:
A post-nuptial agreement is a contract that you enter into with your spouse after you have been married. It's really the timing, but it's very different in the sense of now you're married, you have rights, because now your husband and wife. You're recognized by the state as husband and wife and you have certain rights. When signing a post-nup agreement, now you're waiving the rights you have.
In a prenup, you're not married, you don't have those rights. You're waiving future rights. The difference really comes down to the fact that in a post-nup, there's just going to be more disclosure. It needs to be more in-depth because you're actually giving up something that you have, if that makes sense.
Julie Morgan:
It does. Okay, let's go back just a little bit for me. When we're talking about these things, is it okay if my future spouse and I have the same lawyer for these things? It seems like that would be a conflict, but that's just me. I'm asking the professional. Can we have the same lawyer?
Heather Quick:
No, because that would be a conflict. You can't have the same lawyer advising both of you and meeting with both of you to execute a prenup or a post-nup. It would not stand up because it appears to be improper and as if there's a conflict. And there is. You can't represent two people who might be on opposing sides. Now, one attorney can draft the post-nup or prenup, but again, it makes it difficult for document to stand up. It's not wise to sign that without legal counsel.
Let's say, a woman’s coming to us to have a prenup done. We're going to advise her and tell her that he needs an attorney and we're going to make sure that's in writing. Be advised, he knows he should have an attorney look over this. If even with that advice and recommendation, if they don't, we won't let them sign it in our office. We don't want them to think we've coerced anyone. Then the law's going to say, "they're an adult, they can sign something." It makes so much sense for each side to have an attorney because you're signing a legal document. As a layperson, there's going to be legal language in there and sometimes they're quite lengthy. You really should have a lawyer representing you to tell you what it says and explain to you the ramifications of signing this and what this means. Maybe suggest something else like saying, "This isn't very equal. Maybe it should be a little bit more equal." And/or, "This seems too harsh, maybe you ought not sign this."
Julie Morgan:
So, what made me think about this is the fact that, okay, a post-nup, we're already married so, we're somewhat already on the same page. It would be a conflict even for a post-nup as well?
Heather Quick:
Yes, and I would say even more so with the postnup, because again, you both have rights because you are married, so you need to be advised individually as to the rights. What are the ramifications? What are the consequences of giving those up? Are you sure that this is a good bargain? Why are you entering into this, and do you understand? So yes, even more so in a post-nuptial agreement.
Julie Morgan:
Even more so. So, let's talk about reasons for a post-nup. Something happens to a member of my family, I get a big inheritance. That does not automatically become marital assets.
Heather Quick:
Correct. It doesn't automatically become marital. However, it just depends how you handle it, what you do with the money. Let's say that you use it to update the kitchen, get yourself the kitchen you wanted, the master bath and closet that you wanted. Then you divorce two years later. Now you are saying, that was my inheritance. I put a hundred thousand dollars into this house, I want that coming off the top.No, it's not because you put that into a jointly titled asset. At the very minimum, you need clear understanding and counseling on how that money should be treated. If in fact you should execute a post-nup or maybe sometimes even a trust.
Again, there are a lot of options and that's why it's good to find out how it's going to affect you. Many times, say those parents that leave that money, they're very savvy and they leave it in a way that keeps it very protected for their children because the parents always know, they're like, "this marriage is not going to last and we want you to get divorced." I think most people's parents, they're not quiet when they don't like your significant other. If none of that has been done, it could be a very good reason to sign a post-nup.
Julie Morgan:
All right. So, is there another situation where you could have a significant financial change?
Heather Quick:
Yes, it could be, let's think about a big business venture, maybe that's going to happen. That's why both sides need an attorney because they may say, you ought not to waive that you had a part of that financial thing coming up. It could also be a very negative financial change that is happening. I think this is the best example, there can be so many. Say your partner is gambling away money and you just realized that they lost all this money. You might say, "this has happened, you need to sign a post-nup." At least, I'm creating those thoughts for people who maybe wouldn't even expect or have that thought it's possible.
When we're talking about both prenup and post-nup, both parties have to sign. There has to be consent. I've had certainly had clients before say that want to put something in it and I ask, "Will your husband sign that?" Their response may be probably not. Well, then it's probably not going to happen. That's why the prenup, obviously you're not married so rights haven't attached. Sometimes it may seem easier, but a post-nup, I think there's going to be a little bit of, "I wonder why they're doing that." A little curiosity to peak that might say, "I'm not really sure. Why would I be doing this? Again, what's in it for me?"
Julie Morgan:
Okay. You know what? That actually, that brought up another reason for a post-nup addiction, possibly any legal problems that person may be having. Right?
Heather Quick:
Absolutely, on a broader scale on legal trouble, there's only so much you're going to be able to do to insulate yourself from implications they may have created for themselves legally. But to the extent that you can, and to the extent that you both are in agreement, it could be advised to be the smart thing to do.
Julie Morgan:
So, this could possibly save that inheritance that my parents left me just in case, I mean, if he signs and he's in legal trouble.
Heather Quick:
Exactly, there are other ways that you can protect it. Again, if that is your situation, and you're like, "I don't know that my husband would sign a post-nup. He knows this inheritance is coming." Then we would discuss. Because initially and in theory, that inheritance is just yours. It is not marital, but you have to take the right steps and you have to treat it the right way, so that it stays that way. If the financial advisor you use is his best college friend, he may not be looking out for you to keep that protected.
Julie Morgan:
Would that go back to, could possibly the financial advisor speak to you before the inheritance is given? So, before the person unfortunately passes away, the financial advisor speaks to my attorney, and we work out this language to make sure that it stays with me. Is that a good situation?
Heather Quick:
Absolutely. Yeah, it's really, it's more of, how will the accounts be treated? How will they be titled? What will they be used for? The first step is individually being educated on how the law would treat that money, and then being aware in making decisions that you're okay with potentially the downside of them using the money.
Julie Morgan:
Another reason that comes up in post-nup as well as prenup, children from another relationship. That's a good reason, but are these different children? As in possibly, if someone went outside the marriage, and then they may have had a child, does that make sense?
Heather Quick:
Oh, it does. It does. Yes. And I think that would be, I think generally again, it's thinking, "All right, we have our other children. Maybe when we first got married, we didn't have as much, now we do. Maybe we sign a post-nup now as to where we agree how we're going to make sure our children inherit, or if we divorce." Yes, I think that would be very appropriate and likewise too if there was an extra-marital relationship and another child. That blends in with, "you have marital problems and we're going to handle this post-nup to deal with that issue as well."
Julie Morgan:
Because those are the children that I first thought of, but of course the ones you brought into the marriage as well. What if one spouse becomes a stay-at-home parent?
Heather Quick:
I think that's a great reason to have that discussion, because if you're both doing this together, I think you should look at, what happens if down the road, I'm still at home, I've given up my career or significantly stepped out of the field. As we know in our world right now, how rapidly technology is changing things. It really does make a difference, it impacts you on reentry. Why not discuss that and agree if I stay home, you're going to agree that I'm going to have certain financial reassurance, we're going to agree within ourselves that I'm doing this for the family. If you decide down the road that you want a divorce, I'm not really left scrambling, and again, subject to Florida law on alimony and support, when we could agree to it now.
I think that one, it's really important because of how much your employability changes. I think it does definitely, absolutely, disproportionately affects women over men. It's just because we as women, one, there's a lot of recovery and everything after having children and many times they see that as what they really want to do.
Julie Morgan:
What about if the marriage has struggled?
Heather Quick:
That is, I would say one of the most common reasons. If you're having trouble and you're working through it, which is certainly commendable to work through those struggles, but I've seen it in this instance, where there is the necessity to rebuild trust. That could be struggling from infidelity, maybe financial infidelity, emotional, whatever, something that really caused the trust to suffer in the marriage. If you're willing to stay married, but you say, "I want you to commit to this post-nup, so that I don't feel like I got duped just to stay married." I think it's valid. It's a very valid reason which to do so, and I think one of the better reasons that, or more often the reason people do it, because there really are working to make it work. They're willing to say, "Yes, I will agree to X, Y, Z.” Many times, it in fact does help people stay together and certainly can simplify the divorce, if not.
Julie Morgan:
I thought about that earlier. Has a post-nup ever saved a marriage, probably, possibly?
Heather Quick:
I don't know. We'll have to ask for comments. Maybe somebody will reach out because it could. I mean, I think that there are a lot of great marriage counselors out there. There are a lot of people who work through those issues and sometimes they just need a little something tangible to help them. I'd love to hear if it does or not.
Julie Morgan:
Anything else you want to add on this topic?
Heather Quick:
Just that there's no harm in at least finding out what a post-nup or a prenup could do for you. I think mostly prenup, before you get married and really spend that time, that due diligence in this investment that you're going to vow to be with this person, till death do you part, it could be a really long time. It's at least worth investigating as to whether prenup would be a good idea.
Julie Morgan:
Indeed. Thank you for listening to Women Winning Divorce. We hope you found information to help you navigate your divorce. If you like our show, please take the time to subscribe and provide a five star review. If you need more information, please visit our website at womenwinningdivorce.com, where you will find previous episodes and other helpful content. Join us next week as we continue our journey of Women Winning Divorce.