Women Winning Divorce with Heather B. Quick, Esq.

#22-Financial Life After Divorce

Episode Summary

Are you recently divorced? Your financial circumstances have likely changed as a result of your divorce. Join Heather as she discusses financial life after divorce and what you can do to protect your financial future.

Episode Notes

In this episode of Women Winning Divorce, Heather discusses how to prepare for a divorce trial in order to make the trial process less stressful and improve your chances of success.

Episode Notes

"Women Winning Divorce" is a radio show and podcast hosted by Heather Quick, CEO and Owner of Florida Women's Law Group. Each week we focus on different aspects of family law to help guide women through the difficult and emotional legal challenges they are facing. Heather brings over 20 years of law experience that advocates and empowers women to achieve happier and healthier lives. Join Heather each week as she discusses family law issues including divorce, custody, alimony, paternity, narcissism, mediation and more.  

 

This program was created to provide tips and insight to women with family law issues. It is not intended to be legal advice because every situation is different.  

 

Visit us at https://www.womenwinningdivorce.com/ for more resources.

Text us at 904-944-6800 for a copy of Heather's Top 5 Divorce Tips.  

 

If you have questions or a topic you would like Heather to cover, email us at  marketing@4womenlaw.com

Episode Transcription

Women Winning Divorce
Episode 22
Financial Life After Divorce

Julie Morgan:

Welcome to Women Winning Divorce with your host. Heather Quick. Heather brings over 20 years of law experience that advocates and empowers women to achieve happier and healthier lives. Each week, we provide knowledge and guidance on different aspects of family law to help lead women through the difficult and emotional legal challenges that they are facing. Listen in as she discusses issues including divorce, custody, alimony, paternity, narcissism, mediation, and other family law issues to provide insight on the journey of Women Winning Divorce. Welcome to the show. I'm Julie Morgan, and I'm joined by your host Heather Quick.

Julie Morgan:

Hi Heather, how are you today?

Heather Quick:

I am great Julie. How are you?

Julie Morgan:

I'm doing well. I looked at today's topic and I said this is a big one. It's financial life after divorce. I mean finances, that's a big topic regardless. Right? But now we're talking about financial life after divorce.

Heather Quick:

Yes, it is a big topic and a big concern. I mean finances are for most people always a concern.  We've talked about it before, money does make the world go around and it is necessary that you have the funds to live. So that is important. It's important when you are in the marriage, and then when you're thinking about leaving it. It's like, what does that look like? That is typically one of the first questions that we always get. And really, that's whether you're the breadwinner or not. Because either way, you're like, "How is this going to affect me financially?"

Julie Morgan:

Okay. We're definitely going to come back to that. I feel like I already knew or I figured that was the case that that's probably the number one question that you get, or the first question you get. But yeah, we're definitely going to come back to that. So I would think that money is a big reason women stay in an unhappy marriage. Am I right?

Heather Quick:

Yes. Finances are one of the top reasons women stay in an unhappy marriage. I would say probably the reason they stayed longer than they would. Because I think if you were to ask women, "If you weren't worried about money, if that was something that was not a concern, would you have taken action earlier or would you make that decision right now?" And I think the answer is usually yes.

Julie Morgan:

Okay, well tell me this, and this may be getting off topic, but would children also be right there, would that be like the same weight or children the number one reason then money?

Heather Quick:

I think that is going to depend on the particular situation because they're intertwined. I don't think you can make that mutually exclusive. Because of children, it makes the money even more concerning than if not. I mean, because we can both see that as how that would affect it. So even though this is financial life after divorce and we try to narrow the topic so we can really dig into it. But I do think it is a reason that makes the finances even more of a concern and more of a reason that a woman was staying in an unhappy marriage with kids because she's thinking, "I don't have to just go out and take care of myself. I've got children as well." So I think that does heighten that concern.

Julie Morgan:

Certainly. And we can definitely all understand that. So if a woman is thinking about getting a divorce, are there things she can do now to start preparing financially?

Heather Quick:

Absolutely. I think a big part of that is beginning to understand that you’re going to have to pay attention. Because I'm not going to say, "Yeah, you have to go get all the information." That could be very overwhelming. I think the first thing is really beginning to accept that you’re going to have to learn what's going on. You may be through the divorce process, but that is going to be different. Because I think many times, that is a hurdle and a fear because they haven't been the one to deal with it.

Julie Morgan:

And fear is also a major hurdle, right?

Heather Quick:

It is. And I’m always listening to different podcasts, and reading books, and sermons, all those kinds of things. Having faith, you can't have faith and be fearful at the same time. And I'm not saying a false faith, but even faith in yourself. I can learn what I need to learn and understand what I'm going to have to do. I can seek the help from people who can help me understand my financial situation. Because even if you haven't taken part in the finances during the marriage and haven't taken an active role by just the nature of the two roles of you and your husband or desire on your part to not know anything, and many people do. And I think that is again, okay. Nothing to be ashamed of. But take responsibility.

We can't change the past, but you can begin to behave differently. Understand that you can learn this. You can figure out ways to understand your situation and make better decisions moving forward, because that can also happen after divorce. If you just aren't willing and able to embrace, you have to take some responsibility and learn some stuff. That's difficult.

Julie Morgan:

Yeah. So the first step, you need to start to pay attention. Pay attention, which can for some people be scary. Yeah.

Heather Quick:

Because sometimes you don't want to see it. I mean, that's just the truth. I think that applies for lots of areas in many people's lives, you just don't want to see it. It's a good first step because I could say, find all the bank statements and do all this investigation. But if you aren't willing to accept that you're going to have to learn and take part and we'll talk about those things. But I do think that's the first step, I've got to advocate for myself.

Julie Morgan:

Yeah. How much does a woman's life change as far as her income is concerned? There has to be a statistic out there that shows this, how much her household income drops after divorce.

Heather Quick:

Yes. This is the long name; the U.S. government has a special report to the Senate. Because obviously by the time they get data and statistics, it can be a few years out. But, the report shows a woman's household income drops an average of 43% after divorce. And men experience only a 23% drop. I know that's shocking to you Julie. It is shocking to me, but not terribly surprising because they're taking data from the whole U.S. and every different socioeconomic area, and probably just more people, whoever's willing to give that information. But it does.

It depends on when you get divorced and what the trajectory of each person's career is. I hope that we begin to see a change in this over the next 15 to 20 years where women are ... there's so many women small business owners and executives, and that we don't see that much of a drop that that could be more based on a one income household. Men in positions of higher-earning and in jobs where they earn more. And particularly, let's say if you're divorcing in the forties, most individuals in their career begin to hit their stride and their highest earnings in their fifties and sixties. That's based on all the time they've put into that, particularly in executives. They've been doing it, and then they're really going to start to climb up and start making substantially more money. If you're that high earner, you get divorced and everything's split, but you're still working at that level that you've put all these years into. You're going to recoup that versus if you have never worked, that's why the divorce is so important to get as much as you absolutely can and to really understand your financial situation. Because it matters.

Julie Morgan:

I think about the fact that some women do stay home. And obviously, that contributes like you said that one income household. But when it comes to the marital debt in a divorce, could she possibly get some of that or have to take that on in a divorce, even if she makes less or even no income?

Heather Quick:

The short answer is yes, which is I know shocking. One thing you need to do once you've made a decision is get your credit report and get an idea how much debt maybe is in your name that you're unaware of. But, it doesn't just have to be in your name. It has to be determined to be marital debt. So maybe you're the saver, he's the spender, and there's a lot of debt. You're trying to ignore that and put your head in this hand. I've heard that, "That's not my debt, that's his credit card." But it's marital and that can affect you, because all of that has to be divided equally. We're an equitable distribution state. It all goes into a spreadsheet. And the idea is how even does it end up with assets and debts.

Julie Morgan:

Yeah. Because it just doesn't seem like it's going to be even. 50/50, I don't see it.

Heather Quick:

Well, it does. Somebody used this analogy a long time ago, and I do think that is accurate. A shell game and moving things around, there's an art to it. It's not just like we're splitting everything down the middle because we need to look at that. Well, you can't give the person a debt who has no income, but then do they have alimony? So how are we making up for this? Is probably the least complicated way I can explain it when we're talking theoretically and for people to understand, but it is. Some women are like, "Well yeah, 10 years ago he stopped working and started accruing all this debt, but that was his fault." I'm like, "Well, you probably should have left." The longer you stay knowing the situation, the worse off it becomes.

Julie Morgan:

So it eventually is 50/50 as far as the debt is concerned. I don't know why I just feel like it's probably one sided, but that's just me. I don't know.

Heather Quick:

And that's okay. That's not the law. They're not listening to us when they write it. I can tell you that.

Julie Morgan:

So the first step like you said, is to pay attention. They need to gather this financial information that they need in order to get a real picture of what they have and what they don't have. Right? So then comes the step of opening new accounts, right?

Heather Quick:

Yes, normally, we will advise that our clients do that relatively early in the process, just to begin to establish maybe your own credit, your own relationship with the bank if that's necessary. But yeah, it's time to have your own accounts and credit cards with your name only. Particularly after the divorce, we want to sever those joint accounts and any joint credit cards. That's something you want to do as soon as we file, we'll advise you to do that. Especially if you're the primary on a credit card. You need to at least put a freeze or stop on credit cards spending. Especially if it's in your name, that's really going to affect you.

You don't want to have that liability after filing, because the credit card company's still going to call you. The court order may say he's responsible, and I won't get into all that. It doesn't mean he's not, but there are some ways you can be smart and limit your exposure to things. That's not an excuse not to be smart, and take good advice, and put yourself in a better position.

Julie Morgan:

And let's quickly touch on something that you mentioned just a few minutes ago, as far as the credit report is concerned. How important is it for the woman to get a credit report and understand what's on there?

Heather Quick:

I would say that's very important. There's tons of information on there. I mean, it's saying nothing ever goes away. So yes, you can get a lot of information. I think anytime I've heard anything on financial counseling, everybody should check it every year because there's so much fraud. There can be inaccuracies, but it can be very eye opening to see your credit report and really what's on there.

Julie Morgan:

And of course they can go to one of the credit bureaus to do that. You're listening to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney for Florida Women's Law Group. When we return, we're going to about budgeting and income. Stay with us.

Julie Morgan:

Welcome back to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney of Florida Women's Law Group. Heather, something that I did not touch on is shared computers. So we were talking about starting, getting another account, your own checking account, savings account, getting your credit report. But what if I have a computer with my husband or we have a shared computer? He can see all that stuff, right?

Heather Quick:

Yes. I'm glad that you brought that up. Because our Google is so smart and everybody saves everything for us so that it's always there and you can easily log on. Keep that in mind if this is the family computer for the banking or whatever. Sometimes he may have already changed the passwords during the divorce. If you've never changed the password, and now we're talking about financials after divorce, it's time. It's time to get a little creative. Come up with a new favorite name and number combination. My kids tell me all the time, "You're the most hackable person," you know? And I'm like, "I have a hard time remembering all these passwords," as we all do. So yes. That is something that you need to do. That's good practice for online management of any accounts.

Julie Morgan:

Yeah. And try to think of something.

Heather Quick:

Or social media, by the way. Change all your passwords for heaven's sake.

Julie Morgan:

Yeah. Try to think of something that he's not going to think of. Right? Because you know each other quite well.

Heather Quick:

Correct. So not kids' birthdays, dog name, things like that.

Julie Morgan:

The street you lived on and all that stuff, right?

Heather Quick:

Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Julie Morgan:

Yeah. That is definitely not going to work. No, not at all. So now let's move into budgeting and income. What should be included as expenses when coming up with a budget? What should we look out for?

Heather Quick:

We're talking after divorce, which sometimes you might have to keep reminding me Julie. Because we've been through all of that and we've had a lot of discussions, like during your divorce because we did your financial affidavit, which is a really in-depth budget.

What has ideally happened during the divorce is we've anticipated your expenses after the divorce. So that is a good place to start. But yes, I mean you've got housing expenses, which is the home, or whatever you're renting, or the mortgage payment. You've got insurance. Is it in the mortgage or not? You're going to need to know that. All the utilities for the home. And car, and now you're going to have your own insurance. Who has the kids on their insurance, on their auto insurance? That's something you really want to negotiate during the case, because that can really increase the costs of the insurance. Just because you have teenagers there with you, does that mean you have to pay? Well if they're living in both places, at least address that. Depending on where you live, the pool, the yard, the pest control. There's a lot as we know.

Fortunately, you've been through the divorce, so we've really dug into this and looked at it as to where you're going to be. You should have a good basis with which to work off of what it's going to cost you every month.

Julie Morgan:

Okay. You just touched on something I didn't think of. You said car insurance for the kids, right? So for example, let's say they're eight years old right now. Right? So they won't have insurance for another seven to eight years. Okay? I started driving when I was 15 I want to say. I don't know how old now. But anyway, do you put that into the divorce? Do you put that in and look ahead that far ahead.

Heather Quick:

It's going to depend on the parties and the level. It's helpful if we think about it. But there's two areas of thought. I think the more you can think of, and if you think it's going to be an issue, you say when they start driving, the parents agree to divide their auto insurance, or somebody's going to pay for it. I say that, for couples that already have had teenage children and then still have younger, it's an easier discussion because they chose to operate in one manner versus another. But if the children are all little and they haven't parented together teenagers or addressed that driving issue, it may be harder to figure out during the divorce how they're going to deal with it. Does that make sense?

Julie Morgan:

It does make sense. Already, it's a lot to deal with. And then I'm talking about auto insurance for kids. I'm trying to throw something else in there.

Heather Quick:

It does just depend on I think, in how well they get along. I know we talk about all the ranges of cases. Some people, we're still working through attorneys. But on issues like that, they're like, "We're going to be able to figure that out." There are some kinds of couples or clients that are like, "We're never going to be able to figure that out." They share with me, I don't think we're ever going to be able to be on the same page. But with time, so if the oldest is eight, you have to hope that with time, it gets better. But you know the person that you married and the one you're divorcing. They're the same, and they're going to remain the same. It's very unlikely they're going to change a whole lot.

Julie Morgan:

I fear that a lot of women end up with that bill, but I don't know. That's just my thought. What is one thing that women forget to budget for?

Heather Quick:

Sometimes, it could be taxes.  Repairs, things that you're not anticipating, well because we don't. And obviously they're not anticipating. That's if you keep the house. A lot of times, that is one of the most valuable assets that the parties have. If there's a lot of value in the home, but you're keeping it hopefully because it makes sense financially. But at the end of the day, if the air conditioning goes out, that can be a big expense if it can't be repaired.

Those are some of the times that that's another reason to keep in mind where are you choosing to live, and the newer the place. What goes on, the less hassle, the less unexpected upkeep and emergency repairs that you will have.

Julie Morgan:

Yeah. That is so true. That's true. Another thing that I thought about is what about their own retirement? They may forget about that as well.

Heather Quick:

Yes. If there was retirement that was divided during the marriage, then okay, they're going to have some moved over into their own retirement account. And that's true if they've never worked. Now, they're receiving alimony. Usually, there's a savings component in that. That's an opportunity for women to look at, "what can I do work wise that can help me earn extra money, maybe even just to save and plan?"

There are so many opportunities now. I just feel like the world is wide open. You don't have to have a college degree to do a lot of things. For example, YouTubers. Obviously that's a little bit more of a learning curve, but there's a lot out there. Opportunity is everywhere, if you're open to think about it.

Julie Morgan:

Yeah. I didn't think about that, because they could work now to save for their retirement later. And whatever they're getting with alimony can be used more for their expenses now.

Heather Quick:

Exactly. I think there are mistakes that are made in budgeting and income, not anticipating taxes. And just not looking at the long haul. When you're getting alimony and even if its substantial, things happen, and how much of it is protected. It just is smart to think about your future. Very few people say, "Oh wow, I'm so mad that I saved so much money.  Now I have a little extra." It doesn't mean you will become a millionaire. So airing on that side of saying, "maybe there are some things I could do, or teach myself, or learn, and provide a little extra for myself."

Julie Morgan:

While we're on the subject of retirement, what about social security? Is the wife entitled to any part of her spouse's social security after they've been married and divorced?

Heather Quick:

Yes, this is a fascinating fact truthfully. So, social security. The way it works is you can as an individual, take your own social security that may be based on whatever your earnings may or may not have been. Or you can elect to take, as an ex-spouse, from your husband's social security. The thing is it doesn't decrease his social security. Say he's getting $2,500 a month. He's still going to get that. You take whatever they determine yours to be, which may be 18. You're not going to get yours and his, but you want to know and take the higher of whatever you're eligible for.

To be eligible for an ex-spouse’s, you just have to be married 10 years. Here is an example to help clarify. Let's say that you had three husbands, and you were married to each for 10 years. That means when it's time to collect social security, you have your pick. Because you were at 10 years with each. So that is something that you really, as you get to that age and have that opportunity, you really want to look into that. Don't make a quick decision one way or another. Investigate until you're clear on what your options are.

Julie Morgan:

Oh, Heather, I had no idea. I'm going to go into something totally different. But I didn't know that that was the case. Okay. So you can pick whichever one is the higher amount, and that's what you're going to get?

Heather Quick:

Yes.

Julie Morgan:

And I just have to stick it out for 10 years. Huh? That's interesting.

Heather Quick:

That's right. Not that I would recommend that being your main goal. But, it's helpful to know.

Julie Morgan:

Heather. Heather, you teach me so much. I didn't realize that. I did not at all. Because I was thinking, and I can't be the only one. I was thinking that maybe I would have to, in your scenario, I would have to take the social security of the last husband or possibly the first one. You know what I mean?

Heather Quick:

It's very interesting.That's something that when we have a case, we look at it. I haven't looked at it in a while, but it really hasn't changed. It's interesting fact. It's worth knowing how that's going to play out for you.

Julie Morgan:

Yeah. And when we're thinking about possibly, I mean we're talking about life after divorce. When we're thinking about being on our own, how much should we have saved, like that emergency fund? What is your recommendation?

Heather Quick:

What, what really most the experts say, and anytime you listen to anything on financial literacy or anything like that, an emergency fund that will truly cover most emergencies is a three month salary. Three months’ worth of your salary.  If you have that, that gives you a good cushion. You really want to move that into a bank savings account that's maybe not directly connected to your checking, just so that you don't pull from it.  You just use that and talk with a good advisor. Maybe even, that can have some growth to it. It needs to be in cash, but with the growth potential.

But that's the thing. I think it happens with a lot of us. I don't think it needs to be based on, "Well when I make more money, I'll be able to do it." It's part of a discipline that you learn and can do regardless of income.  It doesn't matter if it's 20 bucks a week. It's starting and then not anticipating your expenses around that. If it's not something you're used to, it's really like exercising. It's a habit and you just have to build it. I think I've heard before 28 days.  You can do something for 28 days. Then it starts to attach as a habit. It may take longer. But as long as you do that, it'll pay off in the long run. There's no doubt about it. To really know, "Hey, it's on me now."

Julie Morgan:

You have to start somewhere. You got to start somewhere.

Heather Quick:

Right, it doesn't matter where. I think it's helpful.

Julie Morgan:

You're listening to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney of the Florida Women's Law Group. When we return, we're going to talk about what to do post-divorce. Stay with us.

Julie Morgan:

Welcome back to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney of Florida Women's Law Group. Heather, you know what? I was thinking about this. And this is something that you touched on a little bit, as far as getting work and possibly using that money to save for later. But another thing I thought about is don't take on more debt, personal loans and credit cards. Try not to do that.

Heather Quick:

Yes, I know that that can seem hard. But that can spiral, and that's compound interest. It just keeps going and going. That is kind of like what we were talking about and we will talk about post-divorce as far as professionals who can help guide you and really work on understanding your budget, your income, and the savings component.

Julie Morgan:

And another thing I thought about is let's say if I am getting child support or if I am getting alimony. I mean, should I look at that and say, "This is my bread and butter"?

Heather Quick:

Well again, that is coming from an individual. I mean, things happen. Really, even if there is life insurance. I think it's wonderful idea to find something you can do, even if it's part-time based on what's going on in your life and your responsibilities, if you have children. But you'll feel better. It'll give you confidence. There's so many remote jobs, and part-time, and just different things where you can kind of have some time for yourself and be proud of yourself for what you're able to do.

Like I said earlier, I hire freelance workers all the time for different projects based on their skillsets. So I think that's an important, wonderful thing to do. Because then, you're really building your self-confidence.

Julie Morgan:

I like that. I like that.

Heather Quick:

And put a little money more in the bank as well. You know?

Julie Morgan:

Yeah. And that's one of the first things that I ... when we first met, one of the first things you talked about was empowering women. And at that time, I could not connect the pieces. Right? But now, I do. I can connect that. It totally makes sense. Totally makes sense. So Heather, what about after divorce? Who are the people that I need to really talk to?

Heather Quick:

Really, it’s a good idea to talk to a financial professional. We definitely can recommend people depending on your situation, but you should talk to a CPA for sure. Understanding taxes, tax implications of what you have, and things that you do. A financial advisor is always a great conversation to have so that particularly if you did receive money that's going into your own say IRA.  You’ve got these divisions. It's about learning and educating yourself with, "this is what I have. How do I make this money work for me?" Those are scary conversations, I think across the board for most people who haven't been indoctrinated in the financial world. But the sooner you start, the better, and the less scary that becomes.

Julie Morgan:

So finances, that's one of the first things that women talk to you about, or that's one of the first questions that they have. At that point, do they say, "How is this going to work? How am I going to do this? How is this going to happen?" And is that when you point them in that direction, you tell them, "Hey, you probably need to do this sooner rather than later"?

Heather Quick:

Yes. Because we've been intricately involved in your financial life through your divorce. We're going to direct you. It's one step at a time, one person at a time. You're going to have a list and just check it off. Look at that or your beneficiaries. That's something that people don't always think about, but you don't want your ex-husband as your beneficiary if something were to happen to you. So those things need to be changed.

Julie Morgan:

And also, I thought about what if your children, they're the beneficiary, but they're under 18? Would that automatically go to the husband? I just thought about that.

Heather Quick:

Well it doesn't, but it does. Because if they're minors, then who will be their guardian? But if you want to appoint, you can create a trust in a will that you don't have to fund. There are some very simple, basic things you can do. Which does include a will and estate plan. That is not meant to scare anybody. Some people are like, "I don't need that." But you might. You ought to. If you have any children or property, you do. There's some simple things, to protect you and protect your children from all the money going somewhere your ex-husband has control of it. You can delineate that in many ways that I won't go into here. But there are things to do. And it's smart. It makes sense. Again, it can seem overwhelming. But you don't have to let it be. Just take one at a time.

Julie Morgan:

One at a time. And I thought about the fact that the financial advisor, they don't have a connection to this, right? There's no emotion. So that's a really good person to go see. They have your best interest at heart in terms of you're asking them for help. But the rest of it, they don't have.

Heather Quick:

That's right, that can be what's helpful. Finding somebody that you do like, and that you do trust, and has a good reputation so that you feel like, "I am getting good advice. I can trust this process and trust working with this person." For sure.

Julie Morgan:

And looking at your insurance is important as well. Homeowners, auto.

Heather Quick:

Yes, and health. All those things change. It's on the list. It's things that you're going to have to do, usually we advise clients even before the divorce to inquire, have an idea of what that's going to cost, what that's going to look like. So that you're prepared mentally that this is going to change.

Julie Morgan:

Because there is a difference in pricing when it comes to single versus married. There's a difference there.

Heather Quick:

Exactly. Which leads to the next thing, which is your taxes. If you are a W-2 employee, that is one of the first things you need to do once the divorce is over, coming to completion is look at your job. You fill out this W-4, you fill out the form when you get hired to determine if you want things withheld, how many dependents. What that does is that determines how much tax is taken out of your paycheck. If it's wrong and you're not doing it the right way, you may owe taxes. So that's how that happens when you're a W-2 employee that you owe taxes, because you really haven't gone back to that form and made sure that it is reflective of your situation now. So very important.

Julie Morgan:

It's amazing how money touches everything. I didn't even think about that, but that's true. Yeah. Overall really, also think about the standard of living. You're going to have to make adjustments.

Heather Quick:

Yeah, you are. And it's going to be different. But that's what you wanted.  It doesn't have to be bad or negative. It's just going to be a change. And that's the way I look at it. Because most women in my experience find that it was worth it. They knew they weren't in a place where they were thriving, and that it wasn’t a healthy environment for them. Now, they can have more peace and freedom. Okay. Well, they may now have different expenses. So there will be a change, but I don't think that necessarily has to be bad. I think it's different. And again, you take ownership and own it. I think if you really look at it like, "this was worth it, I wanted out of this relationship." Then that is the right way to look at it. 

Julie Morgan:

And you know what? Everything has a price. Everything has a price. And this is just the price that you're paying for this particular thing.

Heather Quick:

Which is good, because you really can't buy peace. You can't buy your health. Your mental health is clearly affecting your physical health when you're in a toxic and dysfunctional environment. No amount of money is going to give you that. I think it's important to get clear on what you want and the person you want to be. Sometimes you have to be out of a relationship in order to reach your full potential.

Julie Morgan:

Lastly, let's talk about taking care of the kids. We love them, absolutely 100%. But should we be taking care of our adult children? I'm not saying $20 here or there. I'm saying paying their rent. I mean all sorts of things.

Heather Quick:

I think that as parents, you do things for a number of reasons. As a parent myself, sometimes it's hard to say no. Sometimes it's not hard to say no. But there can be the guilt of the divorce, and you're making maybe not the best financial decision, but you're giving them more money than really you have to give. There are financial coaches and counseling. I think that is an amazing thing, because it helps you understand your beliefs about money and the role it plays in your life and that can help you. Then you can teach your children, even if they are adults maybe some of what you learn. That can be very helpful.

Julie Morgan:

Because they have way more earning potential than you do possibly, because of their age, and their stamina. You know what I mean? So they could possibly-

Heather Quick:

And if they want to work, exactly. I think as parents, that is our goal. We want to raise nice people who are independent, and who can take care of themselves. They're going to go out and make a difference in the world, but that includes taking care of themselves. Again, I'm just being realistic and real. That's a truth that you may have to have a discussion with them that you may feel uncomfortable about. But I don't think they want to see you destitute and poor either.

Julie Morgan:

I hope not. Heather, anything else you want to add on this topic?

Heather Quick:

I think we've covered it. I think that the reality is there's going to be changes. And for women who are in the process of divorce or even post-divorce, they've thought about it and they know. We are certainly here to be a guide and certainly give referrals if you're at that post-divorce and not sure who to talk to, we can help you. Maybe post-divorce and you’re saying, "I don't have enough money." If there's a way that whatever you are receiving can be modified because maybe things weren't anticipated, it's worth looking at. You don't really know unless you have a professional look at that. So if that's the case for you or someone you know, please reach out to us at Florida Women's Law Group. We are certainly here to help you.

Julie Morgan:

Awesome. Heather, it's always great to see you.

Heather Quick:

Great to see you too, Julie. Thank you very much.

Julie Morgan:

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