In this second episode of Women Winning Divorce, Florida Women's Law Group CEO, owner and attorney, Heather Quick talks about preparing for divorce. How do you know it's time to divorce? What are the financial and personal steps to prepare for your divorce?
"Women Winning Divorce" is a radio show and podcast hosted by Heather Quick, CEO and Owner of Florida Women's Law Group. Each week we focus on different aspects of family law to help guide women through the difficult and emotional legal challenges they are facing. Heather brings over 20 years of law experience that advocates and empowers women to achieve happier and healthier lives. Join Heather each week as she discusses family law issues including divorce, custody, alimony, paternity, narcissism, mediation and more.
This program was created to provide tips and insight to women with family law issues. It is not intended to be legal advice because every situation is different.
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Julie Morgan:
Welcome to Women Winning Divorce with your host Heather Quick. Heather brings over 20 years of law experience that advocates and empowers women to achieve happier and healthier lives. Each week we provide knowledge and guidance on different aspects of family law to help lead women through the difficult and emotional legal challenges that they're facing. Listen in as she discusses issues, including divorce, custody, alimony, paternity, narcissism, mediation, and other family law issues to provide insight on the journey of women winning divorce. Welcome to the show, I'm Julie Morgan, and I'm joined by your host Heather Quick. Heather, it's good to see you again.
Heather Quick:
Thank you. It's good to see you too.
Julie Morgan:
I can't believe it's already been a week since the last show. That went by in minutes it seems. So Heather, this week, we're talking about an interesting topic, and now I'm just going to be honest with everybody, when we were off the air, I said, "Well, has anyone asked this question or said they knew it was time even before they got married?" So the topic today is how do you know it's time? And how do you prepare?
Heather Quick:
Those are big questions.
Julie Morgan:
They really are, and there's so personal, right? Because for everyone, again, it's different. How does a woman know it's time for a divorce?
Heather Quick:
I think that they know before they take action and that they sit with it for quite some time, because it takes a lot of courage to take that first step and even call a divorce attorney's office. We are in a world where everything is on our smartphone. There's a lot of research you can do. You can think about it, but to then reach out, contact a divorce attorney, then make an appointment and then show up. It takes a lot of courage and I think that by the time you do that, in your heart you know. You may still have to resonate, you may still have to really reconcile that with taking that step, because courage takes doing something that you're afraid of, because you don't know what's on the other side. But for many women, by the time they get here, they do know.
Heather Quick:
I've told many women they'll say, "What would you do? And I tell them, if I believe from our conversation, they're in danger or they're in an unsafe situation, I will say, "You need to leave." But otherwise I'll tell them, "You have to make that decision. I don't live your life. I'm not in there. I can tell you based on our experience, what that life will look like for you." But I also know that nothing is worth being in a dysfunctional household where you don't have respect, where you're not even heard and that you're better off probably alone, as scary is that may be where you can have self-respect and you can have some peace.
Julie Morgan:
Peace is a powerful thing, but sometimes it comes at a cost.
Heather Quick:
Yes, most things worth doing do.
Julie Morgan:
Isn't that the truth. Is there ever a right time for divorce? I have a feeling I already know the answer to this question.
Heather Quick:
I think there's not a right time and there's not a wrong time. There is always a reason not to do something. Just like Julie, there's always a reason not to get up and not work out. All right. There is, it's raining outside, there's traffic, It's too cold, I don't have my clean workout clothes. There's a lot of reasons to avoid doing something that may be painful, but worth it on the other side. I do believe that. I think that it's that first step that's the hardest and then just continuing to move through it. Because there's always birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, deaths, weddings, there's everything because that’s life. What can happen is that your life is going to pass you by, if you're going to let all those things dictate whether or not you're going to take action and stand up for yourself.
Julie Morgan:
How long do women typically contemplate a divorce before they move forward with one?
Heather Quick:
I would say based on our experience, we find that most women say they've thought about it probably between five and 10 years. In thinking about it before taking action, that is a lot of things, but I don't think it's something that in my experience anyone takes very lightly and they just wake up and be like, "All right, I'm out today." Because the majority of people, I do find, take those vows seriously and plus there's a lot you would have to do. You're intertwined with somebody, and even if you haven't been married that long, it is still the disentanglement of a lot of stuff. I think we doubt our instincts onto whether or not it's going to work, we doubt it more.
That's what keeps women from taking action further, and men, frankly. I think the instincts know like, "Hey, this is not right." But maybe they don't want to tell everybody, they don't want to tell their spouse, there's not something that's glaring, nobody cheated on one another. Nobody's been abusive, it's just, they know this isn't it. We weren't meant to be together, we have to move on. Because then we're admitting failure and nobody wants to do that. So it takes time before people are able and willing to make those decisions and take those steps.
Julie Morgan:
But usually there has to be a last straw, like this is it.
Heather Quick:
Oh, I think so. I think that's true with anything. Really, when people make decisions and really change behavior, 80% of people change behavior based on the pain, not the pleasure. Right? They aren’t saying, "I'm working out because, or I'm not eating as much, I'm not drinking because I want to look good and I feel better." No, most of them are doing this because the jeans are too tight or I don't like the way I look, I have to fit into this dress and that's what makes them stop eating that piece of cake or put down that glass of wine.
Julie Morgan:
Got it, got it. I never really thought about it that way and how you can correlate it to so many other things that you do in your normal life. Yeah. So what are some of the issues that women face in making this decision that may be different from what men are contemplating whenever it has to do with divorce?
Heather Quick:
I think women are slower to make the decision because of the children and finances more so. Again, that are their beliefs, like I said, we can all find something in a reason not to take action and we can then believe that to be true. I do not believe that you are best serving your children by showing them a relationship where you fight or you're disrespected or there's just no love. Your sons, you're showing them, that's okay, that's all right, to never be affectionate or loving towards your wife and you're teaching your daughters, it's okay to put up with that. Again, none of this is easy and none of it, is that simple, but yet I think if we're honest with ourselves and that's what we do a lot here and that's what I do a lot of, we have a lot of honest conversations.
I think when you can honestly say, you can believe that you're doing this for the kids, but if you're honest with what you are modeling for them, that's not really for them. Not that that's going to be easy for them to have you separated, but there are some situations where the children are finally like, "Mom, when are you going to do this?" And that's what they've shared with us. Yes.
Julie Morgan:
So sometimes the children say this, it needs to be the final straw.
Heather Quick:
Many times. And you know it's bad that it's gotten to be that point. Now, also you may have adult children and our clients will share with us that they said, "Oh my gosh, it took you so long. I was wondering if you were ever going to do that." Yeah. So in any kind of situation I have learned through the years of doing this, that children all know what's going on, they live there, you guys live there together. They are aware, they may not be able to articulate it, they may explain it. They know because as human beings, we have a lot of instincts. We know this stuff and we just suppress it and hide it to make other people happy.
Julie Morgan:
And they also may see how different it may be at one of their friends' homes. Right. So they see something very different than what they see at home.
Heather Quick:
Absolutely. Yes. Yes, and or with family, it's just that to me is one reason that somebody can give that again is not maybe true, but it's a reason to not do it. And it will be disruptive when you divorce, how could it not be? It is. And that's change and that's difficult and we don't know what will be like on the other side.
Julie Morgan:
So what are some of the ways women can prepare for divorce financially?
Heather Quick:
So I would say, it's education. Getting an understanding. You talk financial abuse, that is very, very real. It may not start out that way, but all of a sudden you're like, "I don't even know where we bank." It's extreme and I will tell you, Julie, it can get extreme. And that they really don't know and all I have is a credit card and he can turn it on and off. And he monitors it daily and is like, "What were you doing at Target? Why'd you spend $300 here?" That happens more than we even realize. So I know it may sound very daunting to say, get an understanding of what you got, but start by paying attention.
What are you spending? If you are spending anything and just trying to understand, hey, where do we live? What does this cost? What are we driving? What's he doing? Sometimes women aren't in a position, they don't feel like they can ask that question of their husband, but maybe it's like, well, if you know you bank somewhere, if your name's on it, go get a statement, get an understanding of the financials. And for many women that is a stretch and they really aren't in a position. They don't feel that they can go do that, but we do try to help them figure that out. One thing, actually, I will say that truly is rather simple is get your own credit report. Many women think, "Well, I don't have one." Well, you are likely going to be on more things financially than even you realize. And it's just a beginning of understanding, Hey, what are you tied to in the credit world and asset world?
Julie Morgan:
And you know what? This is just a sneak peek into what we're going to talk about in segment two. Because we're going to talk about more financial steps for women preparing for divorce, as well as eight steps just to prepare for divorce in general. So definitely that's just a sneak peek at that, but I want to touch back on something that you said. Now, I mentioned the fact that if you are going through any type of abuse, whether it is financial, emotional, physical abuse, that is definitely the time to get out. But when you think about financial abuse, do we really understand what that means? And you touched on that, what is financial abuse?
Heather Quick:
So what we see and in our experience, we've seen that such control over the money, that one, you have very limited access to what exists. There's one form, just keeping you in the dark. You're not really aware of what exists, but then it's also a monitoring of your spending, which can also essentially be tracking your movements. Honestly, women in that situation they are so... Can you imagine? I know you can begin to imagine the amount of feelings and emotions they have and fear and embarrassment and shame. And then they're like, "Oh my God, I want to go see an attorney. How do I do that without him even knowing?"
Julie Morgan:
So you said that one thing, it's a way to track your movements. I didn't even think about that. "Oh, she was at Target at the Town Center. Okay, but then she went out to the beach. What is she really doing?"
Heather Quick:
Yes.
Julie Morgan:
Never thought about that. Never thought about that. So if someone is dealing with this type of behavior, they possibly didn't even realize that it was a form of abuse.
Heather Quick:
Julie, I really don't think that they do. And I'll tell you why, again, that doesn't happen on day one of dating or day one of marriage. It builds, think about it. I think anybody who's been married, ever been in a relationship, you divide the duties and somebody tends to pay the bills and somebody tends to do something else. So it seems natural at first, and most of the time it is normal. It's not, I'm keeping this from you. Now, sometimes it is from the very beginning, but the majority of time it evolves and you certainly don't notice it in the beginning. Then it can become more and more just like suffocating, just like somebody who is completely insanely jealous and really isolates you from everybody else.
Well, it's that same kind of behavior, it's just as it is on money. And so then they've just narrowed you down. We have had experience where they just have one credit card, they don't know where they bank. It evolves over time, but then all of a sudden thinking how embarrassing that it would be and now I really feel isolated because you don't even want anybody to know that.
Julie Morgan:
We're talking to Heather Quick, she's the owner and attorney for Florida Women's Law Group. This is Women Winning Divorce. Heather, okay, so we left off talking about financial abuse and we said we would come back and talk about the eight steps for women to prepare for divorce. There are eight steps?
Heather Quick:
Girl, there's so many steps we can't cover them all. We're just trying to condense them to some simple things that don't seem hopefully too overwhelming for women just to begin, because again, you have to start somewhere. So let's just start.
Julie Morgan:
You know what? That's the key. Because you do, sometimes you look at a list of things, just think about the list of things that you have to do today. Right? You look at that list and say, "Can I really get through all of this?" So yes. Start somewhere, start somewhere.
Heather Quick:
It's one at a time. Again, I know we've talked about it through the show, it's that first step and then keep going. These are things that we help with, and I'll tell you, we help women do this all the time. It's not very often they've done all of these things, but a lot of this work is really just getting yourself mentally like, "Oh, okay, I need to go do this." You're in the process of making decisions, so therefore you're going to get better at making decisions. That's just something that takes practice. If you haven't made financial decisions, if you haven't made decisions based on just what you want to achieve, you're not used to it. It's going to take a lot longer because it seems so monumental.
Heather Quick:
One, when I say assemble financial documents, I mean to the best that you can. We are in a world now, Julie, that's been very different from, believe it or not I'm old enough, lived before cell phones and when we got a bunch of mail in the mailbox and no email, it's hard to believe. My children do not believe there was a time such as that. However, it is not as easy because we're not getting everything in the mail. Very few. Because then before, I would not say open someone else's mail, but at least you can write down, Hey, they got this from Bank of America. This arrived from Raymond James. All right. Unfortunately, now it's all in email and you may never ever see a piece of mail or anything that represents your financial status. I recognize that and that scares the heck out of so many women. It does and rightfully so.
Julie Morgan:
I think about this and I say, "Well, they may not even know the password. They may not even know the username."
Heather Quick:
Correct. I have got such lengthy spreadsheets on every single password and user name that I need. You know what, Julie? My husband doesn't know the ones that I've got and I don't know which ones he has. Because who has time for that? I would never remember, anyway, I can't hardly remember somebody's phone number because it's in my smart phone. I understand, that's the thing, a lot of what I think we've talked about and you recognize is the shame that women feel. It's like, you must know. It's okay that you don't know, but start taking some steps and at least admit to yourself, "I don't know anything. I don't even know where to go look for it."
Okay, well, maybe you do have a paper copy somewhere in the house. It's your house, you're not doing anything that you're not allowed to do. It's beginning to have an understanding, like we talked about the credit report. Sometimes that is just the easiest place to start, pull it on yourself, just to see. It can be very eye opening sometimes, for a lot of women, and that is just a good first step that everybody can do.
Julie Morgan:
Something that you said is they feel shame. So let's start by taking away the shame.
Heather Quick:
Yes.
Julie Morgan:
Because that can really paralyze you.
Heather Quick:
Absolutely. It's going to keep you from making the decisions you need to or taking action for you.That's really going to affect not only you, but your children, your family, because you're too afraid to move forward. Within the assembling of the financial documents, getting a credit report, and one of the things and we have so many steps and tips, but I do recommend getting a post office box. We might say, "Hey, open a new checking and savings account. Well, don't have the statements mailed to your home." Then it may open a conversation that you don't want to have, you're not ready to have. Did you ever watch that show? It's not really off topic, but it's on topic, that Big Little Lies, did you watch that with Nicole Kidman and Reese Witherspoon on HBO?
Julie Morgan:
Okay, I watched the first season. I did not watch the second, so please don't tell me. I'm in catch up mode.
Heather Quick:
Okay, well it is so good. One of the things she had was a safety plan and had a place ready. Well, why did she put her husband's phone number on the form because then the leasing agent called him. So just be smart ladies. Now I know that was TV, but if you're going to go open an account or make some little steps, be smart and get a post service box. That's what we're talking about, being smart. Okay, I hear you, but be smart because trust me, he would do it exactly this way and he wouldn't tell you anything. I'm just talking about this so that you've put yourself in the best possible position. It’s so much harder for us to then go back and do all this once you are filing for divorce and getting you access to things, then if you've prepared ahead of time.Again, like I said, a lot of it, it's practice and doing things for yourself and taking a step on making some decisions.
Then in that list of a way to help prepare for divorce is trying to get a handle on what it costs to live. You may not know what's coming in, but if you pay attention, you can have an idea of how much it costs to live and that's important. It really is because I, Julie, we do have to take responsibility. In any kind of relationship take responsibility that, I know, it's easier not to know. Fair enough. Just be honest. Let's be honest. If it's easier not to ask, I don't want to know. Okay, but be honest with yourself that you can know. You can try to figure out some of this stuff. You may not like the information you get. You may be afraid, but if you're honest with yourself, it's time to start getting some information.
Julie Morgan:
One of the key things that I see on this particular list under assemble financial documents. Understand what's in the retirement accounts. To me, that is the one that just stood out the most.
Heather Quick:
Again, that can be hard if there're no statements coming in. If you have a job, if you have an account, understand what you've got there.If you're in a relationship, we've talked about the extreme on the financial abuse and that's going to be a minority. Most people just don't want to ask, but it's like, this is the person you're married to, and if you can't ask some of those things, there's a lot going on, which obviously if this resonates with you know that. Maybe you're not really sure, get in some counseling. Have counseling together so that you can ask questions when someone else is there, when maybe you feel a little bit better like, "I want to know what our financial situation is. I want to know these things. I want to be a part of this if we're going to make this work." Sometimes that can give you the courage to do that and have some information. So yeah, those are big things. And just beginning to ask questions.
Julie Morgan:
Got to start somewhere. Yeah.
Heather Quick:
You do. Obviously you need to talk to an attorney at some point. When you do, you want to meet with an attorney who does want to understand what your goals are and who does understand your situation and is interested in what you want, not just telling you what to do.
Julie Morgan:
You know what? I'm glad you said that because when you look at this list, number one is call a divorce attorney. Before talking to you, I was wondering, "Why is that number one?" Because there are so many things that we've talked about that I would have never thought of, so therefore the divorce attorney, can help them understand this is what you need. This is what you need to understand. This is what you need to know. This is the information that you need to collect.
Heather Quick:
Julie, I will tell you, if you don't have any of that information, it doesn't mean we can't go move forward and file for divorce. You don't have to do all of this before. But as we mentioned earlier in the call or on another show that it's hard to take that step and make the appointment for the attorney. So begin doing something, begin being proactive so that then you're like, "Yes, I have some momentum. I am doing some things to help myself by understanding what's going on, by getting my credit report."
I want to touch on though one other thing that is very important that almost should be number one. Don't say anything on social media. that stuff will come back to bite you, and that will not be good. Don't leave ranting voicemails. Understand that's evidence that can be again, used against you. Now, if your spouse is doing a bunch of stuff, well, screenshot it and save it all. If it's relevant, if it's going to make sense, we will use it. When you're going through this, yes, everything can be under a microscope. Things can be taken out of context and those things matter. They can, they don't always, but they can. Do you want to be asked in front of a judge about this post? No.
Julie Morgan:
Absolutely not. A lot of things we post, we probably don't want to be asked about it in a court of law, if you really think about it. That was definitely on the list that we're going to get to and I actually want to talk about that a little bit more. One other thing that I noticed, and this is also having to do with financial documents, right? And finances. The list says open a new checking and savings account.
Heather Quick:
And the reason for that, one, again, taking a step, going and doing that. Many women might not have ever done that on their own, again, you just might not have, so go do it. Again, don't have the statements coming to the house, if you're not ready to have that conversation. Also if you're going to have it electronically, then don't have everything on the joint family computer, where all the passwords are saved. If we've not noticed, Google is very helpful in saving all your username and passwords. So maybe you don't want to do that if you don't want somebody logging into all of your stuff. It seems so natural now because it happens all the time, but if you're going to start taking these actions and you're not ready to have that conversation with your husband, then let's keep it close to the vest and don't share this information.
Julie Morgan:
And also go into dark mode on Google or a Safari, whatever it is that you're using, so that particular, whatever you did online, that won't follow you.
Heather Quick:
Yes.
Julie Morgan:
The last thing we're going to talk about before we go to our next break, build your credit. Now you said something earlier, some people may not even know what's on their credit report. They may not even realize that they have all these accounts that are tied to their social security number, because they are not the number one person doing all as the breadwinner or even the person taking care of the finances.
Heather Quick:
Correct. Yeah, it's eye opening. That credit report, that thing, there are people who you are putting that data in and it goes back many, many years. It's a wonderful way to educate yourself about your credit history. As I indicated previously, and you may have really terrible credit. Maybe the financial situation is something that you had no idea and there's a lot more debt and you're tied to it all. It's a hard truth, but it's good to find out one way or another, because it is what it is. At least go out there and there's a lot of companies that can work to help and maybe there's fraud. That's one of the basic things in today's world that with everything electronically, it's look at that. That can be one, it's building your credit, but also being aware. First pull your credit and then you know, oh, okay, hey, this doesn't look too bad. We help so many women open that initial credit card, giving them some privacy, building that credit We have partnerships with banks. It's an important thing to do.
Julie Morgan:
Okay, you just mentioned something else. You have partnerships with banks in order to help them with this. I never even thought about that, which is why number one is to call a divorce attorney. The eight steps for women to prepare for divorce, we are on number five. This is something we actually talked about in the first show. It was about changing your will. This also includes your medical directive as well. That's interesting.
Heather Quick:
Yes, if you don't have these documents in place Florida law dictates your spouse is your next of kin and will make these decisions. It does not state if a divorce has been filed that doesn't get to happen. That is important for that reason. Two, ask those questions. Again, you don't know what you don't know and you would not think to ask these questions, but that's one thing we talk about when you meet with us. Well, why don't you assign your mom, your sister, your best friend as your power of attorney, as the person who would be designated to make those medical decisions, if in the off chance, very, very low percentage. These things happen all the time and you just don't want the man you're divorcing to make those decisions more likely than not.
Julie Morgan:
Yeah, he could be even more vindictive than you thought he was. The next calculate your expenses. This really goes back to what we were talking about before the break as far as get getting all your financial documents in order and opening new savings and checking accounts and building your credit. Calculate your expenses, that's really important especially if you are not in the situation again, that you are paying the bills.
Heather Quick:
Right. Again, just honestly, sometimes if you are looking for ways to feel fulfilled and it's not from the marriage and what's going on, maybe you're spending too much or not too much, you're just spending more, but you're not even really registering. It's really about the awareness. It's not too much, not enough, it's whatever. It's just awareness of what you're spending, again, because that's how you begin to take ownership of what you need to do and what things are going to look like in the future.
Julie Morgan:
That's how you'll know also what you'll need just in case you will get alimony. You'll know how much is it that I can ask for, because this is how much is going to cost me to live after this is over.
Heather Quick:
Right. We help women do that all the time. It is one of the most important things that we do in an alimony case is your financial affidavit, which is essentially the budget, what it costs you to live. Many times it's an analysis of the bank records, because then that's how you see the financial picture. A lot of times I'll have clients like, "Whoa, I really didn't realize we ate out as much as we did." Because I don't think you see it, but either way again, it's the awareness because we're going to have to do it. It might be less of a shock to you if you are taking that initiative and understanding all the money that is going out and, or coming in.
Julie Morgan:
I thought it was also key that it says to get a clear picture of this, you need to understand what’s going out for two to three months.
Heather Quick:
Yes, that's true because what goes out in the month of December, when we have the holiday stuff is very different than January, February. It's understanding and of course, we work with you and the paralegals to really dial in on the financial affidavit. Any of our clients listening, will be like, oh, I know that's so hard. We have to do it all the time and we work at it. It's a very important document that is created for the divorce and filed and it's relied upon. It's a big deal and the more you can get used to looking at expenses and understanding, I think the better off you are as a client.
Julie Morgan:
Number seven is something that you mentioned earlier and I really want to talk about this, social media, emails and romantic relationships. Make sure that's in order, but what exactly does that mean?
Heather Quick:
All right. Social media, just stop posting. I know you can be like, oh, all these beautiful, wonderful things about what a great mom I am, what a great worker. That's fine. But overall, tone it down, don't post stuff. Don't rant about your ex. I'm just going to say don't, I'm not even explaining why, I'm just going to say don't do it. If you want to be our client, don't do it. If you have email, creating a new account is very important. That's just your name with a password that is not known. Obviously as your attorney, we do a lot of electronic communication. Everything in the courts are filed electronically, you need to have an email that is just your email.
Romantic relationships, now this is something that could be the reason. You are in love and now you have met the man that finally does everything for you that your husband doesn't. Okay, I have to tell you, it's not really helpful to post that and sharing it with everybody. As happy as you are, if you're going through a divorce in particularly, if this is an alimony situation or you have children, a lot of that stuff matters. Financially speaking, if this is an alimony case and you are in love and you're going to get remarried, you must tell your attorney. That’s going to structure our alimony argument, don't sit back and let us fight and negotiate for you to have permanent alimony, if you plan to get married again and you know this. It's like, oh, he's got the engagement ring in the draw. It's like, then we need to look at other ways financially for you other than alimony, because alimony ends if you get remarried. Don’t keep that secret from your attorney. I can't stress that enough because how can we help you if you're not honest with us? Your attorney should never judge you. I may say don't do that. I very well will say that many times, but it's not because I'm judging you, it's because I want to get the best result for you and I know how to do that. Our attorneys here know how to do that. So if we say, don't do this, it's because we're looking at how we achieve what we need to for you.
Julie Morgan:
But will they not tell you because they don't want to be judged?
Heather Quick:
Probably. Maybe so, and sometimes it's like, well, I'm not going to ask permission for this because I probably know that answer's going to be no. People ask me, "Well, can I date?" It depends, everybody's situation is different. I've had women, "Well, he's dating and he's in a relationship," and I was like, I understand, but he's not asking you for alimony and you still can date and have a relationship." We can talk about that one day. We can certainly talk about that on another show about a supportive relationship and all of these different things. But at least share with your attorney. We know everything, we're working on your finances and your kids and this divorce, if this is something going on, we'll let you know. Absolutely this matters, is it not? This is what we suggest. I think that's the best advice for everybody.
Julie Morgan:
And like you said, you know everything else. You're in their personal business, their personal business has become your business because this is your profession. So just tell them.
Heather Quick:
Right.
Julie Morgan:
Yeah, just tell them.
Heather Quick:
Exactly.
Julie Morgan:
It's okay.
Heather Quick:
Right. Again, some things may be like, that's fine. This is okay, this is not okay or whatever. But I think that most people are like, "Oh, I didn't think I had to tell you that” because they're not used to this situation. Most people, fortunately so, they do not have attorneys involved in their life all the time. This is a new thing for them, but now when we're dealing with this, usually more information is better for us, and then we can decipher and tell you this is what matters, what doesn't and advise you. At the end of the day, we want what's best for you and what we can best achieve through the courts.
Julie Morgan:
Lastly, it says find a support group. How important is that? Because a lot, well I'm not going to say a lot of times, sometimes people just don't want to talk to other people about the business. Just like we just mentioned.
Heather Quick:
Oh, absolutely, it's finding a support group and one that resonates with you or good counseling. That's not a friend or a family member because they love you and they're going to tell you sometimes what you want to hear and they are of course going to be subjective and that's great. But it's also good to have an objective support group, we used to support a couple different support groups for women only, because there's a lot of great. I think it's really important to have a place where you can talk and feel as though you can be open and honest. Again, you're not sharing your business with your friends and family and they may be sick of hearing it, frankly, Julie, come on.
Julie Morgan:
That part. Yeah. They have a personal stake in it too, because they want what's best for you so they're going to share their opinion and their opinion may not really be the road that you need to go down.
Heather Quick:
And or maybe it is, but you don't want to do it. Again, a support group, a good counselor, life coach, those kinds of things help you move through this and get that emotional support. As your attorneys in your legal team, although everybody here is very supportive, it's different because I'm looking at our job is to see, Hey, how can we help you legally? What's the most advantageous thing for you to do legally? You need that feedback as well for emotionally and psychologically, mentally, what's best?
Julie Morgan:
Yes. A support group. Very important. You're listening to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, the owner and attorney for Florida Women's Law Group. Heather, anything else you want to add on this topic today? We've gone through so many good stuff, so much good stuff is just, oh boy. I have even more questions really.
Heather Quick:
Usually that's what this does. Pretty much almost everything we touch on could be its own show. And again, like you said, for our listeners, please reach out because that's what we're here for is to really just provide some good information and delve into topics sometimes, maybe a little bit more deeper than we did today. I know we've got free resources on our Women Winning Divorce website for the listeners who are looking for a little bit more information. I've certainly got some books that I've published as well that may be helpful. I do believe that knowledge is power and educating yourself is a great first step, just by listening to this. Just like you said, Julie, it sparks so many questions and that's good because now you're curious. And if you're in this situation or you have a good friend in this situation, you know some things and issues you can raise.
Julie Morgan:
Heather, thanks for letting me join you again today.
Heather Quick:
Well thank you, Julie. It's been a pleasure and I have enjoyed our conversation so much.
Julie Morgan:
Thank you for listening to Women Winning Divorce. We hope you found information to help you navigate your divorce. If you like our show, please take the time to subscribe and provide a five star review. If you need more information, please visit our website at womenwinningdivorce.com, where you will find previous episodes and other helpful content. Join us next week as we continue our journey of Women Winning Divorce.