Women Winning Divorce with Heather B. Quick, Esq.

#27-The Divorce Timeline and Managing Expectations

Episode Summary

In this episode, Heather Quick, owner and attorney at Florida Women’s Law Group, discusses the Divorce Timeline and Managing Expectations. She dives into contested and uncontested divorce, mediation, trial and managing expectations.

Episode Notes

"Women Winning Divorce" is a radio show and podcast hosted by Heather Quick, CEO and Owner of Florida Women's Law Group. Each week we focus on different aspects of family law to help guide women through the difficult and emotional legal challenges they are facing. Heather brings over 20 years of law experience that advocates and empowers women to achieve happier and healthier lives. Join Heather each week as she discusses family law issues including divorce, custody, alimony, paternity, narcissism, mediation and more.  

 

This program was created to provide tips and insight to women with family law issues. It is not intended to be legal advice because every situation is different.  

 

Visit us at https://www.womenwinningdivorce.com/ for more resources.

Text us at 904-944-6800 for a copy of Heather's Top 5 Divorce Tips.  

 

If you have questions or a topic you would like Heather to cover, email us at  marketing@4womenlaw.com

Episode Transcription

Women Winning Divorce
Episode 27
The Divorce Timeline

 

Julie Morgan:

Welcome to Women Winning Divorce with your host Heather Quick. Heather brings over 20 years of law experience that advocates and empowers women to achieve happier and healthier lives. Each week we provide knowledge and guidance on different aspects of family law to help lead women through the difficult and emotional legal challenges that they are facing. Listen in as she discusses issues including divorce, custody, alimony, paternity, narcissism, mediation, and other family law issues to provide insight on the journey of women winning divorce. Welcome to the show. I'm Julie Morgan, and I'm joined by your host Heather Quick. Heather, it's good to see you again.

Heather Quick:

It is great to see you, Julie. How are you today?

Julie Morgan:

I'm doing very well. Again, I was trying to figure out what can bring some excitement to my life, and I saw this tennis outfit and I thought about you. And I said, "Maybe I need to take up tennis." That'll help, I think so.

Heather Quick:

Oh, I wish you would. Oh, you know what, Julie, I know now exactly what's going to bring excitement to your life. I'm going to invite you to a spin class the next time we go.

Julie Morgan:

Okay, Heather, wait a minute. You know what? This is not the topic, but we've got to talk about spinning. Heather, I've tried that. So how do you sit on the little... I don't know, the little seat, Heather, the little seat?

Heather Quick:

Well, most of the time you're standing. Most of the time you're standing and not sitting and just sweating. It's great. You'll love it.

Julie Morgan:

Oh my goodness. And Heather, wait a minute. Okay, but then when you do try to take a break and you sit on the little seat, you realize that it touches places you didn't know existed. And everyone that's listening, please, seriously, you know what I'm talking about when we're talking about spinning. But anyway enough of this. But you know what I'm talking about don't you?

Heather Quick:

I do, I do. This topic is not closed because we are going to add more excitement to your life, Miss Julie, you just wait.

Julie Morgan:

But you know what? If you invite me, I will be there. I will. And you're going to laugh at me the whole time. Alrighty. So today we're talking about the divorce timeline and managing expectations. How long does it take to get divorced?

Heather Quick:

Well, as you know, my favorite answer, it depends. It depends on a lot of variables. I think that for most individuals, the best expectation is this is probably going to take a year. Now it could be less and it could be more, but I think that is a realistic way to say, whether you are like, oh, I don't like that answer, that's okay, but plan on about 12 months.

Julie Morgan:

A whole year. Wait a minute, okay, well tell me, what is the fastest? Have you seen it fast tracked and it's done in less time?

Heather Quick:

Oh, absolutely. That's by agreement of both parties and sometimes it can be as short as 60 to 90 days. That is very unusual, but certainly for people who have agreed on everything and it's pretty simple and then if you have an attorney then they can move it through the court system rather quickly. But again, that is all dependent on complete agreement.

Julie Morgan:

Okay. That's why I was going to ask you, that's the key. You have to agree on 100% everything.

Heather Quick:

Yes, and it all must be signed and done legally and properly. There can be a lot of things. Some women are like I'll sign anything. We probably won't represent you if you're going to sign something that's going to be detrimental to you because we're not going to advise you to do that, because sometimes people are just ready to get out. Now, if that works in your favor, because your husband's like I feel guilty, I'm ready to get out, well that period of guilt is probably not going to last long. So you definitely want to have that paper signed sooner rather than later. But overall, as we're going to talk about as we get into it, we will talk about the reasons, because we see on TV it takes an episode or two, but it really takes much longer than that.

Julie Morgan:

Okay, yeah. You know what, that's funny that you said that. I was going to say that, we see it on television and it's done in 60 minutes.

Heather Quick:

Well, I know.  Just like Law and Order, which is my favorite show. I mean, it's only 60 minutes for the crime, the investigation and the trial. That just doesn't happen. So if you can say they can't even get to the crime scene in an hour and on TV they've done the whole thing. There are reasons it takes time. Sometimes it takes longer than it should, but to fully have the information you need, that's why sometimes it takes more time.  If you need more information and there are certain rules that apply to time.  For example, if we need to see some bank statements, your husband has usually 30 days to provide them and 30 days to do something else. So everything, the months add up rather quickly.

Julie Morgan:

Okay. Let me ask you, this, is that the law that you have to give a person that much time in order to give you the information?

Heather Quick:

Yes, and those are the rules. There are different rules of procedure for different types of things. We'll kind of get into that a little bit later, but it helps to understand. Just like when you're served you have 20 days to answer. You only have 20 days, but there you go, 20 days, that's a month. Then maybe there's something else you have maybe 45 days, a month and a half. To the person living it, I know it can seem to be going slow. However, there are reasons for those time periods within the law. So, that's how it adds up. At the end of the day if we need to get a hearing, well, it's not like the judge will say, "Okay, come in next Wednesday at 9:00 AM." Basically they're like, "Well, I have time on my calendar September 10th at 9:00 AM for 30 minutes," because there are a lot of other people trying to get divorced.

Julie Morgan:

Wow.

Heather Quick:

Exactly. I may already be in a trial. One of our other attorneys may not be able to do that date so it goes to the next date. I know that kind of gets in the weeds, but it's the reality of the litigation process. That is not even anybody trying to delay, it is the reality of just scheduling and timing. And what did we talk about in a previous show? That 50% of the people that are married are getting divorced. Yes, and a lot of them are in the court system which then create the courts to be full.  The judges are busy, they are not sitting around wondering if somebody's going to need to come have their divorce heard. Their calendars are pretty packed.

Julie Morgan:

And I know I kind of got ahead there, but I wanted to ask that question. Let's kind of double back. So if everyone agrees on everything, what type of divorce is that called? Does it have a name?

Heather Quick:

It does, in Florida it's called an uncontested divorce. That means essentially that everything is filed with an agreement at the same time. Usually, you will see that with people who are unrepresented, and they just filled out the paperwork all together and put everything at one time. That's the term in the Florida procedure. A contested divorce does not mean necessarily that it is very adversarial, it's just we file the documents, and we might end up having an agreement, but we're not filing an agreement at the same time we're filing the divorce. Does that make sense?

Julie Morgan:

Okay. I'm a bit confused. Okay, so uncontested, we agree on everything, but say that again.

Heather Quick:

We agree on everything and usually it's all filed with an agreement. You file for your divorce and then maybe the two of you have either filled out the forms, there are forms that people can fill out online or print out and fill them out themselves, and that's where you'll see that term uncontested divorce. And they're working through it all and they're doing it themselves, and so then they kind of fill out everything, send it to the judge or the hearing officer. So that is the true definition.

Julie Morgan:

Usually you need something that... okay.

Heather Quick:

Go ahead.

Julie Morgan:

Go ahead, I'm sorry.

Heather Quick:

I was just going to say that's the true definition, which really is a formality in the way the procedures are in the court. So if somebody's listening to this and they're like, well, I went to the clerk's office to do this myself and they said is this uncontested or contested? Well, that's where this comes from, because they're going to give you a stack of paperwork and tell you this is what you guys need to do together. If it's contested, okay, we're not necessarily in agreement right now, it doesn't mean we can't come to an agreement. It's just we're filing for divorce and now we are going to exchange financials, or maybe we're going to say we're going to waive certain things. It's really a formality that I think people see more when they are representing themselves and filling it out and they'll see uncontested divorce versus contested. So they'll come to our office, I want an uncontested divorce, and that's great and I know that everybody does, but it's not a unilateral decision, if that makes sense.

Julie Morgan:

No, it does. Yeah, it does. I wanted to ask you but I think I know you're answer, do you recommend not having a lawyer? I mean, I'm asking an attorney this, but is it ever okay not to have one?

Heather Quick:

I would say no in the fact that you're entering a process that has its own language, its own rules, and you're not equipped to do it. It's kind of like when you enter the hospital, it's a different language, different schedules, procedures, you're not equipped. No matter what forms you read on how to stitch yourself up, you're not equipped to do that. But you can try, you can probably tape it up or whatever. Good luck with that. Similar to a legal proceeding. With both of those things you mess it up and you are stuck with the result and most of the things cannot be undone. That's why lawyers do train and do this for many years to help you navigate this process and make it really easier for you if you have somebody guiding you through.

Julie Morgan:

That makes sense. That makes sense now, okay. What is the petition for dissolution?

Heather Quick:

Okay, so that is the initial paperwork that says I want a divorce, I am petitioning the court to dissolve my marriage.  That starts the process with that document that really says these are the issues. In Florida, and this gets a little technical but just to give an understanding, we plead... meaning that's how you talk to the court. I know on TV that the lawyers call the judges and we talk to the judges about cases, but that's not how it works. The way you speak to the judge is by what's written down and filed and then they read that. They're not going to read a letter you send to just them. That's how it's done. In Florida, we don't put all the gory details as to all of things you want us to put that your husband did wrong, let's say, in this petition for dissolution.

This is going to lay out the issues broadly because that is the way the law reads and that's really what's appropriate. We're going to say this case involves alimony, this case involves child support. There are children and we are asking the court to determine the time sharing of the children. These are the assets we have and these are the liabilities. At the end of that petition, it says, "Judge, we want you to award us alimony, attorney's fees, child support." Pretty much everything and the kitchen sink is generally in that document. I don't mean to say they're all generic, just that if you don't ask for it, the law is clear... if it's not in there and asked for, the court can't grant that to you.

Sometimes we have in there, we want to sell the house. You have to have that in there. So if it's not done correctly the first time, sometimes clients come to us, maybe they filed on their own or they had another attorney and in that petition it's not complete. It doesn't have everything that you really want to ask for that we want the court to say these are issues that need to be decided. So it's very important that it's outlined the right way.

Julie Morgan:

Yeah, that is an important point because I didn't realize that you need to outline it before the first time in order to get it at the end.

Heather Quick:

Many times, you amend it. That can be because things changed, that you didn't think you wanted to sell the house but to sell you do have to have that in there. Then, you have to file it again, that could be a reason for a delay because they're going to have time to answer it. So it's things that someone who doesn't do this, they wouldn't think of that, and nor should they, because that's not what they've been trained to do. It's important, and many times when we get a new case, and I know we talked about this on what episode of trial, and they're like, "Hey, my trial is next week." Well, this would be a problem in addition to a myriad of other things, Julie, but we would have to look at that petition and if it doesn't have in there what is sufficient to be asked for, for you to go to trial, that trial we're going to have to ask for it to be delayed so that we can make those amendments and changes.

Julie Morgan:

Okay. Yeah, let's talk more about that. You're listening to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney of Florida Women's Law Group. We'll take a break here, and when we return we're going to talk more about this petition. Stay with us. Welcome back to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney of Florida Women's Law Group. Heather, we were talking about the petition for dissolution. I mean, you told me something that I definitely did not know, but let ask you this. So after the petition, I guess, is filed with the court, well, let me ask you this. How long does that usually take, that process?

Heather Quick:

Of the filing of the petition?

Julie Morgan:

Mm-hmm, yeah.

Heather Quick:

Usually that will vary, and honestly, some folks may say it could take a month. It doesn't have to take that long. It really, again, depends on the issues and in your timeline what we need. We would say usually, you hire us on the first of the month, by within two weeks we should have all the information from you that we need. Many times we are waiting on clients to give us the information that we have to put in documents that need to be filed, and so that can sometimes take longer because they are like, "Why do I have to give you all this information?" But it's required in the law. So maybe two to four weeks is completely reasonable. Obviously there can be cases where it's an emergency and that's just separate, not really what we're talking about here.

Julie Morgan:

Okay. So after that then comes the serving of the petition, right?

Heather Quick:

Yes, that's where people have heard, you've been served.  That's our constitution, it's your right to due process, to have formal notice. Anytime somebody is suing you, there's something going on in the court, that you have to receive that information in that formal way. It will be either a process server or a sheriff, and that really depends on the county. In some counties the sheriffs do all the process serving and in other counties you can have a private process server. That is truly a formality to make sure that that independent person says, "I handed these papers to him on July 15th at 8:00 PM." That begins clock ticking.It's an important part of due process of the law. But again, a procedure, we have a lot of procedures.

Julie Morgan:

Okay. Well, do you try to... well, this has nothing to do with you... I guess after it gets to that point where it's the serving of the petition, because it could be embarrassing for the person that's being served. Do you try to make sure that it's not, but again just has nothing to do with you, but I'm going to ask it anyway, do you try to make sure that they're not served in an embarrassing way? Like I show up to your job and then there you go, you're served, or at that point it has nothing to do with you?

Heather Quick:

No, if it's a private process server we have a little bit of control. I mean, we're not trying to fan the flames or create an embarrassing or difficult situation. Sometimes the parties really are amicable and so the process server will have the husband's cell phone. He'll say meet me here and I'll give you the papers. Or our client will say, "Hey, they are always leaving the gym kind around this time," so that they can just hand them to him. It's nothing adversarial. It's like here you go, you've been served. It's not even that, if the husband's been served, he doesn't have to sign for it. People are like I'm not signing anything. That's not what it's about. You're just receiving it, handing it.

Now when, for example, I'm pretty sure Clay County, the Sheriff's office has to serve. We have no control. They're going to go to the house. They're going to go to the job at whatever time, whenever they're scheduled.  The process server has however many to serve and he's just going to serve them, the deputy from the Sheriff's office. So then we cannot try to orchestrate that in a different way. But usually we do if we have that ability.

Julie Morgan:

Okay. I was wondering about that because it seems like that could just create even bigger problems because they were embarrassed in a certain way in front of certain people.

Heather Quick:

Yeah, and I mean not everybody thinks about that. Our office does.  If the kids are going to be there, well, we probably don't want to serve him if the kids are showing up. That's just something that I think is just the right way to do it, but I don't think very many other people think that way based on most of my clients that just get served. But they may. Because you're trying to not to increase the animosity or adversarial nature. That's not what we're trying to do. We just have to get him served.

Julie Morgan:

Right. Okay. So after the person has been served, how long do they have to answer the petition?

Heather Quick:

In the state of Florida they have 20 days. And that is 20 days from day one. You were served on a Saturday... you can't serve anybody on a Sunday, so Sundays don't count, so you're served on a Saturday, and we count 20 days. After that 20 days then you could be what's called defaulted against. Those 20 days go pretty quickly.

Julie Morgan:

It seems like the first few days may be just sitting there trying to understand how did this happen?

Heather Quick:

Oh, probably, so a little shock, maybe denial, anger, all those great emotions that help us cope. Sometimes now they do know it's coming and they've already retained us and so then you don't have to be served because we will accept service. That's what that's called. The attorney accepts service for the client. So, that's a way to avoid that.

Julie Morgan:

Okay, wait a minute. Okay, wait, okay. So the process server can bring the papers to you and not to your client?

Heather Quick:

That is correct, if they've retained us. You can't just say, "Hey, send it to this attorney," unless you retain them they're not taking them. So I don't want anybody to think, oh, I'm just going to send them wherever. No don't do that. But yes, and then that way, because generally there is... I could look up, our staff can look up on the docket and we can tell if something has been filed and you may not have been served yet. Or your husband may say, "Hey, go get an attorney, we're getting a divorce." And then that attorney can get served. That's because that's what they were told by their attorney, and it's true. We will take those papers on behalf of you and sign for them. So yes, it's a different way of getting served because then we receive them for you.

Julie Morgan:

Okay. So would you suggest that if you did get the heads up, "Hey, we're done. Go ahead and find an attorney," then would you suggest that?

Heather Quick:

Oh, absolutely because this process we're talking about, that's what happens next, so yes.

Julie Morgan:

Don't think about it, it's just it's time to get the ball rolling. Well, I mean, you've got to think about it, but don't wait too long.

Heather Quick:

Well, exactly. Ignoring it is not going to help. That is not going to make it go away and then you've lost some time and then you start to feel pressure just like anybody who's ever procrastinated anything. I certainly have. Then the day before it's like, "Oh, now I have to deal with this. Now I've just put myself in a bind that creates more stress, anxiety and all of that." By putting that off, that is something you're really kind of doing to yourself.

Julie Morgan:

Okay. So if I'm served, can I serve in return? Kind of like tennis. I don't know, just a random thought, but can I serve him? If he serves me, can I serve him? Does that make sense?

Heather Quick:

You don't have to because the lawsuit has been started and he is on notice because he initiated the process. The reason you have to be served is so that there is documentation that you have been notified that this is going on. But now you've been served, you have your 20 days to answer. Everything in Florida now is electronic so then your response has to be filed electronically, which is called the answer.

Julie Morgan:

The answer. What is a counter petition?

Heather Quick:

Let's say your husband has filed for divorce. You're served with the petition, and his may not ask for alimony, he may want the kids not the household, he has various things that are listed in there, he may not have everything. Well, now you can answer what he has asked the court for, but if you want alimony, if you want the household, if you want attorney's fees, you want anything out of this divorce, you need to file a counter petition with your answer, but you don't have to have that formally served. There is a filing fee or something, but that process server only needs to happen at the very beginning of the case.

Julie Morgan:

Got it. Okay, all right. So my counter petition does not need a process server to say, "Okay, well this is her side now," That's where the lawyers come in after all that, right?

Heather Quick:

Yes.

Julie Morgan:

Okay. And that's how you communicate, okay. What are mandatory disclosures and requirements?

Heather Quick:

That is basically bank statements and your pay stubs and tax returns. These are the minimal things that are required when you file for a divorce to exchange with the other person. I can't remember which episode, but I know we talked about a financial affidavit, it's the budget. These are a lot of things that are required. There's a list, it's an extensive list, but not everything applies to everybody. For example, it will say your last three years of tax returns, your last three months of bank statements, your mortgage statement, your tax returns. I think I just talked about that. If you have any other loan statements, if you have trust documents, some credit card statements.  This is the minimum that needs to be exchanged at the beginning of the divorce.

Julie Morgan:

Okay. Yes, we did speak about financial affidavits and you can go to our website womenwinningdivorce.com to download, subscribe and listen to that episode. How long do I have to submit this financial affidavit?

Heather Quick:

The time period after the initial filing, is 45 days from the filing and that goes pretty quickly. When you think of a lot of those documents, it's really not that bad if you just sit down and do it. But sometimes it's overwhelming to think I've got to get these tax returns, bank statements, and the financial affidavit is usually what takes most people the longest.

Julie Morgan:

Alrighty. What is the discovery process?

Heather Quick:

That's where each side has an opportunity to ask the other for more documentation. We really might want three years of bank statements. We might want information from your job. Usually, we do if there's a corporate job so that we can understand the assets of the 401k.  Sometimes we ask the other party for these things and sometimes we send a subpoena, because it's better to really get it directly from say American Express to really see what charges have been incurred and then you can see what the type of activity. Or we want the business bank statements and we want the complete statements from the bank because then that's part of the discovery. That's when we are doing our due diligence and investigation to really ascertain all the assets and liabilities.

Julie Morgan:

And this is also so the other party is not blindsided, right?

Heather Quick:

That is correct. You are entitled to so much information. That's the danger of doing this yourself because if you don't ask for it, you're not getting it. Nobody has to just voluntarily... I mean, mandatory disclosure, yes, but then if you go and don't make them give it to you and then go to trial and you don't know this stuff and you don't have it, I mean, the court is not going to say, "Oh gosh, we're so sorry. Let's figure this out." No, you're on your own. When you do this you don't know what you don't know as far as what you would be entitled to ask for or how that impacts your case.

Julie Morgan:

And how long does the discovery process take?

Heather Quick:

That's really what takes a lot of the longest time because sometimes not everybody’s not as forthcoming or prompt in giving us the information that we've asked for.  Then there are delays, and then sometimes they say, "Well, I don't want to give you this," so we have to go to the court and have a hearing to tell the judge we're entitled to this information, we want this information, and that just takes longer. Usually that's the whole process because we want all of that to be complete in order to move to the mediation, because discovery... we're discovering everything that's there then we can properly advise you and tell you, "Okay, based on the financial picture that we see, this is what we think you're entitled to. This is how we think that assets and liabilities are going to play out and this is what that impact will be on you." And then we can then go to mediation.

Julie Morgan:

Okay. So that's a good segue into that. You're listening to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney of Florida Women's Law Group. When we return, we're going to talk about mediation. Stay with us. You're listening to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney of Florida Women's Law Group. Mediation, Heather, let's define mediation again, what is mediation and is it required?

Heather Quick:

Yes, mediation is required in all Florida divorce cases and the majority of cases are settled in mediation. What mediation is, is there is going to be a, it's not licensed but a court appointed or agreed upon mediator, and they are certified. They are a certified Florida mediator. Typically, they are going to focus on family law because it's not as helpful if you have, it could be a very skilled mediator but if they're used to mediating personal injury cases it may not be as effective. So you're going to go to a family law mediator. That person is independent, objective. You will go with your attorney. Your husband will go with his attorney. At that time they go back and forth and help each side essentially risk assess and do a risk benefit analysis and help each party get to a compromise that ends up in a signed agreement.

Julie Morgan:

And what if a mediator starts to take sides? I mean, does that even happen? That's what I think, right, I wonder does that happen?

Heather Quick:

I'm sorry, does what happen?

Julie Morgan:

I'm sorry, does a mediator, can they or have they ever started to take sides? I mean, or are they just always in between, like neutral, there are no sides. It just seems like as a human being some of your humanness will take over. You know what I mean? I don't know.

Heather Quick:

Well, I think of course, because they are human beings. We are not at a point where we've got robots through artificial intelligence doing the mediations, which could be very helpful, but maybe in the future. I think a really effective mediator though sometimes you think maybe they're on the other person's side. Now, I haven't had the benefit of going from room-to-room, but I think effective ones have that right personality disposition to build a rapport with your client, but say, "Well, can you see this from the other side? I'm not on his side and frankly I'm not on your side, but can you see it from this side because I'm trying to help him see it from your side?" Having been in mediations, done those for years, and that's why I think, I hope for anybody listening to this, understands that is kind of normal that you think that because then that means they're really doing a good job.

They're kind of not, I mean, somewhat playing the devil's advocate, but helping you see things from another point of view that then allow you to maybe come off your hard line as far as, no, I absolutely won't move on this issue but maybe I'll do this. that's just really a very skilled mediator who has that ability to build rapport with two opposing sides, and usually not say maybe exactly what we're saying in our room but convey the message. Kind of like on another episode I know we talked about communication, sometimes you have to communicate in a way that the information is actually heard. So I think very skilled mediators do that, and most of them in the beginning will tell the clients, "Listen, I'm not taking sides. You might think I am, but my job is to move each person a little bit closer to the middle."

Julie Morgan:

Okay. I can see that.

Heather Quick:

I think if they did take sides, they would not be effective because you would know that innately. You'd be like they are not on my side; they're not even trying.  Particularly in family law because of so many emotions, the mediator, the really good ones, they know that. They're working hard to say, "Hey, I'm impartial but I'm going to present another way to look at something."

Julie Morgan:

Okay. And as an attorney, if can see that a mediator is not doing that and they are being partial, would you step in and say, "Wait a minute, something isn't right."?

Heather Quick:

I'm sure I would because the mediator goes back from room to room. Of course, at any time, if anybody wants to meet with them individually, they would. Mediation, it's required that you attend, it's not required that you agree. So if you just think they are off, then we're done. We impasse, we're out. We leave.

Julie Morgan:

So yeah, so it really does... you don't even have to start, it doesn't have to be an issue. You could just say, "You know what? We're not going to agree today so let's move on."

Heather Quick:

Yeah, I think so. I mean, if we were really in that situation that's what you do. I mean, if you think they are not even helping us advocate for where we're trying to get in this mediation, then it would be in an impasse.

Julie Morgan:

Yeah, okay. And when does mediation typically occur?

Heather Quick:

I typically don't see mediation occurring sooner than six months after filing just because of scheduling and what we talked about in that last segment about discovery. I think that sets realistic expectations. It can be sooner, but I would say that's the exception because you don't want to go to mediation without all the documents so then how are you able to make an informed decision and settle the case? You should have all those things answered and not say, "Oh, okay, well, if we don't settle then I'm going to do depositions. Now I'll take subpoenas and now I'm going to do this and get experts." If you need those things you do those things to prepare and then you can make informed decisions and create a better settlement for mediation.

Julie Morgan:

Okay. Now let's talk about trial. What if we cannot reach an agreement in mediation, then there's trial.

Heather Quick:

That is correct. Many times, that will be set far in advance, but yes, you are going to have a trial set and the judge then is going to be the one who's going to make the decision on the issues that, usually all the issues, and to a trial that is probably going to be closer to 18 months after filing. That's probably kind of close, because sometimes if it's contentious in a trial, there's just other things going on, but that's how long it takes to get there. Sometimes we need one day trial, some days two or three days, some days five or six, or not some days some cases. Like where you say, "Hey judge, I need five days. I've got 15 witnesses," and we know this is going to take a long time.

Julie Morgan:

You said it could take 18 months just to get to that point. So really, it would be beneficial to try to settle this in mediation.

Heather Quick:

Absolutely. That should be part of your cost benefit analysis.  Cost can be financial, emotional, just overall I want this done. I think that should always play a part in considering what does that look like? Sometimes, and I know we've talked about this before, there's no settling and there's not even an offer that is reasonably close to what you would get even in your worst day of court. You're not going to settle for that and you're going to go to trial. That just is what it is and that's what you should do. That's when your attorney can advise you because you need to know where on this spectrum of this potential settlement is in regard to how things would be determined in court.

Julie Morgan:

But would you say court should really, or a trial should really be the last resort, let's try not to do that?

Heather Quick:

Well, that is not my perspective or point of view. No, because I think achieving your outcome is what we're going for and sometimes that means a trial. Let's not treat it as if it's the worst thing in the whole world. That's why we have judges. Sometimes that's what we need to do is get in front of a judge. So it's nothing to be afraid of. It is sometimes exactly what it takes. If there are other avenues, I'm all for that. I don't push all my clients like, no, we're not going to settle anything we're going to trial, because that would not be wise at all. Every issues are different, but sometimes it's a case and there are personalities where don't say avoid trial at all costs because you should go to trial, you'll do way better in front of a judge than dealing with the nonsense or lack of an offer on the other side.

Julie Morgan:

So this is all case-by-case basis. It's all about that particular client that's sitting in your chair right at that moment.

Heather Quick:

And the issues. I would be cautious for anybody who has an attorney that doesn't want to go and who won't set a hearing and who won't go to trial and who is gun shy on litigating a case. If the circumstances call for it, that's why we have a court system and it's nothing to be afraid of. If your attorney is experienced in family law, you are getting good advice and you're going to know when there's an offer that is a good offer for you and makes sense or not and when going to trial is what is in your best interest. Even though it may seem like, oh, this is going to cost more money, well, it is but not as much as the cost of maybe accepting a terrible offer or just walking away with nothing. So that's just my point of view because I think that when that's needed that's the whole purpose of the courts and the hearings. Some things just can't be resolved despite best efforts.

Julie Morgan:

What is a final hearing?

Heather Quick:

So if you have a trial eventually, I mean, that is the final hearing. That is when the judge takes testimony. So if we go to mediation and we've agreed upon everything, there are still certain questions that need to be answered under oath that the judge has to have, see the answers to, hear the answers to, in order to sign off on the divorce. Many of our clients will say, "Okay, we have a final hearing." Now, in light of the courts having embraced the technology, when we used to have to all go down to court to do this five minute essentially procedure in front of the judge, and sometimes wait an hour in order to have the five minutes, but now the courts allow most of this by Zoom which is very beneficial for all clients.

Because this is very procedural, but you do need to answer questions that prove you're a resident of Florida, that you acknowledge that the document is what you've agreed to, that you had discovery, things of that nature. That is the day you are divorced because the judge will sign it on that day.

Julie Morgan:

Okay. That's the final hearing. Okay. I feel like the last few minutes that we have should be spent talking about managing expectations. This can be a frustrating process. Am I right?

Heather Quick:

Absolutely. Anything that, I mean, I would say anything any of us do that we don't normally do can be frustrating. You're learning something new. You're having to go through something, you don't understand the process, it can be frustrating and difficult. So yes, I understand that. And it's a foreign language and all these rules and procedures that you've never heard of. So yeah, why do we have to take this long? And that is a very frequent question. And that's a fair question. It's not always that there is a conspiracy by the court or your husband against you, it's just the circumstances of scheduling. And in my experience, the more information you have as to how long something's going to take, then at least, even if it's frustrating, at least you're aware and you're ready.

And you're like, "Okay, I know this is going to take a little bit longer. I know some of these things that happen aren't because my attorney's not doing a good job. My attorney has certain things that they have on their schedule to help other clients and the judge has things on their schedule and so does my husband's attorney." We all work to move cases along efficiently. One of the most important things is communication with your attorney, and when you are given materials to help you understand the process that you really review them. When your attorney sends you stuff and says, "Hey, watch this video, read this pamphlet that I'm sending you because it explains what's coming next." If you will do that, then you will have a better understanding.

The reason I called this Women Winning Divorce is because you can win at divorce. You absolutely can. That is not meaning that your husband has to lose. You are just achieving your goals and outcomes and I very much believe that and I think that's the way you approach it. Now, if you are approaching it I just want him to lose, that probably is not going to be in your best interest overall because you're not looking at it from a positive thing of where you want to be after this. The more you communicate that, then the more we can help you feel as though you're achieving your goals. And to me, that's winning

Julie Morgan:

Heather, we are out of time so we're going to have to leave it there, but it's always a pleasure.

Heather Quick:

Always a pleasure, Julie, thank you so much. And as I usually say at the end of our show, for any woman listening, please reach out to us if you're going through any of these things and know that divorce is something that you're contemplating, or it's already knocking at your door, reach out to us and let our team at Florida Women's Law Group help you through this.

Julie Morgan:

And don't forget to go to womenwinningdivorce.com. Heather, I'll see you next week.

Heather Quick:

I look forward to it. Thank you, Julie.

Julie Morgan:

Thank you for listening to women winning divorce. We hope you found information to help you navigate your divorce. If you like our show, please take the time to subscribe and provide a five star review. If you need more information, please visit our website at womenwinningdivorce.com, where you will find previous episodes and other helpful content. Join us next week as we continue our journey of Women Winning Divorce.