This week’s episode will share how to tell college-aged and adult children you’re divorcing. She covers how to tell them and what to expect, their reactions and feelings along with how to not overshare or treat them like an adult friend.
"Women Winning Divorce" is a radio show and podcast hosted by Heather Quick, CEO and Owner of Florida Women's Law Group. Each week we focus on different aspects of family law to help guide women through the difficult and emotional legal challenges they are facing. Heather brings over 20 years of law experience that advocates and empowers women to achieve happier and healthier lives. Join Heather each week as she discusses family law issues including divorce, custody, alimony, paternity, narcissism, mediation and more. This program was created to provide tips and insight to women with family law issues. It is not intended to be legal advice because every situation is different. Visit us at https://www.womenwinningdivorce.com/ for more resources. Text us at 904-944-6800 for a copy of Heather's Top 5 Divorce Tips. If you have questions or a topic you would like Heather to cover, email us at marketing@4womenlaw.com
Women Winning Divorce
Episode 33
Telling Your Adult Children You Are Divorcing
Julie Morgan:
Welcome to Women Winning Divorce with your host, Heather Quick. Heather brings over 20 years of law experience that advocates and empowers women to achieve happier and healthier lives. Each week, we provide knowledge and guidance on different aspects of family law to help lead women through the difficult and emotional legal challenges that they are facing. Listen in as she discusses issues including divorce, custody, alimony, paternity, narcissism, mediation, and other family law issues to provide insight on the journey of women winning divorce. Welcome to the show. I'm Julie Morgan and I'm joined by your host, Heather Quick. Hi, Heather. How are you today?
Heather Quick:
I am great, Julie. How are you?
Julie Morgan:
I'm doing well. It's hot outside. That's just stating the obvious.
Heather Quick:
It is. That is Florida. And just when you think, oh, there's a little breeze today, then it just flips right back around.
Julie Morgan:
It does. And then at 3:00 in the afternoon, it'll just start pouring raining and thundering. And then five minutes later, it's done. That's Florida.
Heather Quick:
I know. The weather's been crazy. The lightning too. It's fascinating, the change in the weather around here, that's for sure.
Julie Morgan:
Yes, it is. So if any of you want to move to Florida, if you don't already live here, this is what you can expect. It's great.
Heather Quick:
Yes, it is. I think everybody knows that because they're all moving here. So if you are, I guess that's good. Now you'll know about divorce in Florida.
Julie Morgan:
There you go. We can help out with that. So today, we're talking about something a little similar to what we talked about last week. How to tell college age and adult children you're divorcing. Is there a difference?
Heather Quick:
There really is, and we'll get into it. I won't blow the surprises, but it is. It's absolutely a different conversation, and sometimes a very surprisingly different reaction.
Julie Morgan:
I wonder why.
Heather Quick:
Well, I think they are probably used to speaking their mind as now they're adults and have opinions and ready and able to voice them. I think also, a lot of times they've lived through this marriage, they grew up in it and there's a lot of feelings and opinions about what they're doing, why now, and why didn't you do it earlier? And again, how does this affect me? And really, this is inconvenient, once again.
Julie Morgan:
Do they tend to take the news a little better?
Heather Quick:
I would say as a whole, no. I would say that they tend to take it a little bit harder.
Julie Morgan:
Okay, you know that's not what I was expecting, right? We talked about this a little bit, maybe when we talked about gray divorce?
Heather Quick:
Yeah, because they have lived through it, and there are extremes, like, "Why didn't you do this years ago? Why did I have to live through all this nonsense," kind of thinking. Or now, "This is really inconvenient for me. Where am I going for the holidays? How am I doing this?" Again, because they're adults, or young adults, or college kids and they are voicing their opinions and how it affects them more so, because now they have their own life, but this throws them a curve ball.
Julie Morgan:
I was thinking, of course, that young children, when you tell young children, they're just going to be distraught, and you kind of shocked me with that one, because some of them may not say anything. But with the older children, they're going to really speak their minds.
Heather Quick:
Generally so. In my experience from talking with clients and women, they were a bit surprised. I think when we talk about telling them, it's the shock a little bit. But then, I think a lot goes into it because here they've grown up with this belief of family and then that's their family home. When kids go off to college, they don't want you to mess up their room. They want their room the same, they want to come back. Now suddenly maybe that home's not going to be there anymore. Because more likely when you don't have small children at home, the house gets sold. It's a large asset that doesn't stay there with the kid's shrine, so to speak. So they have a lot more questions than the younger children. They are going to ask more persistent questions like why, what happened? And they may be more vocal as to whose side they're on.
Julie Morgan:
Okay. So we're going to of course talk a little bit more about their feelings, but tell me this, how should you tell them? Should you tell them over the phone? Because like you said, they may be at college. How should you tell them this news?
Heather Quick:
I think news like this is news that should be delivered in person when possible. I think many individuals might think, and I think you were thinking, okay, well they're adults, I can tell them over the phone. This doesn't have to be a huge ordeal; I don't have to make as big of a production about it. However, I think, if possible, to tell them in person and maybe even the two of you together and tell them. Again, there's so many variables on that. But because also now with adult children, they are going to be concerned about how this affects their life, but they're going to have a lot of concern about you.
Depending on how old the kids are and how old you are. We were talking about that gray divorce, they're going to worry about you, What are you going to do mom? Are you telling me you're going to date? Where are you going to live? What are you going to do? They're going to have a lot more questions and they are probably going to have some other real life concerns because now they're adults who have experienced life and jobs and maybe kids and maybe married, all those kind of things. So now they're going to really ask you a lot more questions.
Julie Morgan:
And by the way, you've heard us mention this more than once, gray Divorce. We have an entire show about that. You can go to our website, womenwinningdivorce.com so you can download, subscribe, and listen to that episode. So they're going to have a lot of questions. But tell me this, do you think that they're shocked?
Heather Quick:
I do think that they will be initially. I say this because even if they thought in their minds, why are they together? They should be divorced. Neither one of you have ever taken that action before. So they may be shocked because they may be like, why now? Why didn't you do this when it was really difficult for us and we had to live through whatever it was. Or you may have just had a marriage that on the outside or even to the kids didn't really seem bad, seemed comfortable, and everybody was amicable, then they'll be like, I had no idea. What was so wrong? What's so bad with dad? What's so wrong with mom? It seems like you guys are happy. I'm so confused. I thought y'all had a good marriage, from their perception.
And we've talked about too, Julie, once you're empty nesters, the kids leave the house, maybe you find you just don't have anything in common anymore. But when the kids were there from their perception, you guys got along, everybody kind of played their part, but you two have grown apart and there's just not that connection there anymore. So I think in that situation, your adult kids might really still be very shocked because they did not see it coming. They didn't see anything that they would have recognized as a bad marriage or that anybody was unhappy. So I think there is, generally speaking, going to be some shock.
Julie Morgan:
Okay, generally speaking. Now getting back to what we just talked about as far as when to tell them, you said that this is news that probably would be best served in person if it's possible. So let's think about, let's say if it's a child that's away at college. Probably would you say that this is something you tell them when they're at home for the weekend or possibly at home for the summer when it's a longer period of time? Because they have a lot going on with them personally as well.
Heather Quick:
Right. We talked about this in the last episode, don't do this during holidays when kids from college come home. That's going to be a tricky one because they're going to have a lot of questions and many of which you may not be able to answer frankly. They're going to be like, well, I'm away at school. Where are you going to live? Where am I going to come home? Who's going to pay my tuition? What about family vacation? What am I going to do on my break? This is just the beginning of the process; you may not have a lot of those answers. Just recognizing that I don't have all those answers and then you can imagine you're not going to be able to totally reassure them.
Many women in particular try to tell them it's all going to be okay. I think that's really important with the younger children. They're not going to ask as much about the details and you're going to really do as much as you can to keep things status quo. Well now you have children that are over 18, in college and deemed adults by the law. But as anyone with children knows, they are still children and depend on you quite a bit. And that's tricky. You may not know. Maybe you have a college account for them, so you're like, you're going to be set. But even if you do, sometimes there's always these extras that you may not know. And that's a good thing to talk to your attorney about maybe before because they're going to most likely ask those questions.
Julie Morgan:
So you should try to prepare yourself for the questions that you think they're going to ask, and possibly ask someone else their input about the questions you may not even come up with.
Heather Quick:
Correct. If you don't know the answers, you don't know. That's going to create some emotion. Again, they're young adults and within their developmental stage, it is all about them and they're going to be confused as to why you haven't thought all this through. But now that's kind of a hard conversation that I think it's important to prepare yourself for it. I've seen so many women really struggle with their adult children and want to still make it all right when the husband's the one with more funds.
You two as a married couple are splitting, you two may not be able to discuss how you're going to handle that initially with the adult children. Your children may have always been very well taken care of, nurtured, and it's a harsh reality for them. That's going to be different for all of you. And that can be challenging. So now say, well I don't know, but you'll figure it out. You're an adult. I'm not suggesting you say that, I'm making light of it because you know you can't say that to your kids. They'll be freaking out. But that may be a conversation that needs to happen sooner rather than later, but not initially.
Julie Morgan:
Okay. So just be ready for their feelings on the matter because you just don't know what's going to happen with how they're going to express themselves.
Heather Quick:
Correct. If you can at least prepare yourselves, I mean, you know your kid. Everybody's got the kid that's going to ask them a million questions. And then the other kids will be like, okay mom, all right, whatever. Go with the flow. We all have different personalities in our children. So you'll know the ones who might not say anything, but they really have to process it and there's going to be more of that going on with them. I think it's knowing that they're going to have questions, they are going to have feelings and they're going to express those and allowing them that time. They're going to have that sense of loss from what was and their perception of that. They may need to grieve. You don't want to overshare. They're going to ask more probing questions than your younger children. But I still very much encourage keeping the private stuff private because no good really comes out of that.
Julie Morgan:
And don't bash your future ex.
Heather Quick:
That's right and that's the hardest thing. I think people feel they want to, because they want to tell them, well this is exactly why because he did X, Y, Z. This isn't the best time for that. I don't think there really ever is. I think eventually maybe once they're truly adults and once you're on the other side of this, there can be conversations that aren't loaded emotionally that can be done, but certainly not at this time because you're about to go through it and they're going to battle with these feelings and emotions and loyalties to one parent versus the other. I always suggest taking the high road, don't bring them into it. There's really no good result from that.
Julie Morgan:
You're listening to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney of Florida Women's Law Group. We're going to take a quick break here and when we return we're going to talk about the reactions and feelings a little bit more of your college aged and adult children when you tell them you're divorcing. Stay with us. Welcome back to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney of Florida Women's Law Group. Heather, reactions and feelings of adult children, college age children when you tell them that you're divorcing, based on what you've said so far it's kind of similar but their questions are going to be very, very different.
Heather Quick:
Yes, and they are going to have questions that are appropriate for their age. They're going to go through that grief, anger, sadness, all the same emotions. However, now they're adults. As we know, it depends as your children enter the world in their twenties, they have a lot to say, and they usually know a lot. Think they know a lot depending on where they are. So, they're going to ask you questions. In a lot of ways, a lot of it might be if it comes as a shock, they're going to wonder how they didn't see it. They're going to really have a lot of questions like, well what else didn't I know? You guys had this whole different life going on. Or how was I oblivious to this? And then was my whole life a lie or whole growing up? It can get dramatic, but I think that's realistic because they are going to question it if they really thought their parents were happy and had a great marriage. And many couples do, they're like there was nothing egregious.
We've just grown apart, we've been married a really long time and now we want to go our own ways. Many women feel like, this is my time to have a little bit more independence and I can go out and really seek and be the person that I wanted to be. That's hard for adult children because they want to imagine their parents as they always were in their reality and belief on what that family life was. So it's going to be, for those kinds of situations, I think there'll be a lot of questions, confusion and a little shock.
Julie Morgan:
But this really makes me wonder possibly, are they in denial? If they feel like, oh, there is just no way that this is happening, is the child in denial?
Heather Quick:
Could be very much so. Most kids really, I think when they're happy and healthy, they're absorbed in themselves as young adults and going off to college. They just don't maybe see things. They may be in denial because they don't want to make changes. They're already going through a big life transition, leaving home, in college, maybe getting their first job. Those are major milestones in the beginning of their life that are supposed to happen and they're ready in somewhat expecting that. They're not expecting to have to figure out and understand their parents splitting up. They may feel guilty like, if I'd only stayed home, this wouldn't have happened.
Julie Morgan:
That's the next feeling I was going to bring up is guilt. How do they express that guilt, that feeling of guilt?
Heather Quick:
Just again by questioning. They may internalize that. So that is really, if they bring that up and say, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Maybe even, and I'm not going to say it's specific to an only child, but maybe even a youngest child, maybe they're thinking, oh I left and look, everything fell apart. Of course, that is really very likely not the reality, but they may sense that they stayed together because I was around. So then they'll feel some guilt one way or another.
Julie Morgan:
And you know what? I'm glad you brought up the only child versus a child that has siblings. I wonder how they take it. An only child, it seems like that's the person that will probably have the most guilt.
Heather Quick:
That's probably something that just because they know, I was there, and they feel more because only children obviously they're so connected as the only one there. So, I would think guilt and a real concern I'm sure for either one parent or the other. Okay, now you're alone. How are you going to handle it? Because a lot of kids I think will also look at this, well how are they going to make it not being together? Because they've only known them together.
Julie Morgan:
And they don't realize that their parents had a life before each other and before they were born.
Heather Quick:
Correct. Because they don't really necessarily see that. I think that all of those feelings are normal and they're going to kind of go through that and express them in different ways.
Julie Morgan:
So this is a major life adjustment. And you alluded to this in segment one of the show. This is a major life adjustment. So what are some of the things that those adult children and those college-aged children, what are some of the things that they're really going to miss?
Heather Quick:
Most likely they're going to miss the family traditions that they have known their whole lives. That typically is holidays or family vacations, special occasions, things that as a family you traditionally all celebrated together. That can vary of course for all families, but everybody has something that was their big time together. It may still exist, but it's going to be different because it's not going to be all together. Most likely not in the same house. If it is in that hose, say one of the parents keeps it, it's going to be different and they're going to miss that. They're going to not know, well what do we do at Thanksgiving? Who's going to cook? Where are we going to go? What about dad, if we come and see you and who's going to cook for him? Or likewise. What if we go to the grandparents, how's that affect everybody? So yeah, they're going to go deeper on a lot of that.
Julie Morgan:
Yeah, definitely. And do you think that it would be beneficial, even for the adult children, do you believe it would be beneficial for the parents to spend maybe the next holiday after this big announcement, the next holiday together to ease them into the transition?
Heather Quick:
Maybe. I think, and this is just based on experience as far as after divorce, men typically, and the statistics show that they do and are into another relationship much quicker than women. From that standpoint, that could be awkward. Or maybe the mom. When you don't have young kids at home and things like that, you may be very ready to live your own life and date or whatnot. I certainly wouldn't promise any of that. If they're worried about it, I would certainly not commit to that. Because I think what the kids are going to find is mom and dad are truly really going to be okay and they may date other people, which that's a whole other thing that the kids, I don't know if they're not going to be ready for it, but it's going to be a shock. It's going to be a change. So I certainly wouldn't promise that. I mean I know there are people who do that. That is certainly not anything that ever happened in my experience personally.
Julie Morgan:
Yes, because the dinner table would just be awkward in my guess.
Heather Quick:
It would've always been at my house. And I'll tell you, they had been divorced a long time before we had graduations and marriages. It wasn't until my graduation from law school that my parents were at the same event together for us as children, that's a long time. They were together at our weddings, but not really friends. It really took, I think the grandkids. So that's many, many years. So my experience is different. Whereas my mother-in-law is so gracious and she invites her ex-husband, my husband's father, over all the time. That first time I was over there I was like, that's weird to me. Some people are much more evolved than my family is. All I can tell you, I think it's great if they can do it, but I certainly wouldn't promise it.
Julie Morgan:
Yeah, that makes sense. My parents, they're friends and I'm just like, I don't know how.
Heather Quick:
Well so see Julie, you come from a more evolved set of parents than mine. Mine are there now, but it took a while. It took till their sixties, maybe in their fifties. So that takes a long time.
Julie Morgan:
They were always friends and I'm just like, this is odd. To me it was odd for them to be friends because to me it didn't make sense that how are you friends and you're not together, but basically they're better as friends as opposed to partners.
Heather Quick:
Right. I think that when it can happen that way that's great because eventually, which we're not going to get as much into that in this segment, but life does go on and there are going to be weddings and there are going to be birthdays, grandchildren, all kinds of events. Your adult children are more likely going to be like, suck it up. I'm not going to different houses. If y'all want to come here and celebrate, have at it, but you better get along because it's not about you. So I think something as anyone divorcing, that's what you got to keep in mind. Okay, that phase of our lives as raising a family has transitioned. Now we're going to have a great view on them raising a family. We have to act like grownups when we interact.
Julie Morgan:
Yeah. Tell me this, how do you believe that this makes the children, how do you believe it makes them look at their own relationships, their own romantic relationships? Do you think that they could be successful or do they look at them a different way?
Heather Quick:
I think that they can be successful, but I think they're going to question a lot. I think that as their parent, and they may or may not question you, they're going to go through those cycles of emotions as we talked about. The anger, the grief, things like that. Be careful and we're going to talk about that at the next one. But you have an opportunity as their parent to help them, they'll be like, well mom, I thought y'all had a great relationship. I'm dating this person, what did I not see? I think you can be helpful by removing that relationship, and share what was good. Help them see there was more good than bad, but this is just the way it is. That could be a whole show as well, and that's where when we talked about the parents becoming evolved and really having some personal growth and reflection to say I could have done better.
Then you're not blaming, you're being reflective and saying, well we got married really young and I never really knew who I was, and this was my part in it. I think that there's a time to do that. You have to have some healing before you as the parent can have those discussions. That's where again, as we always say, counseling for yourself to be able to still advise them as they're in different relationships and how they're not all messed up because now their parents got divorced and they never saw it coming. I'm sure that would be something they might say. Use what was good in the marriage and what you learned to help them.
Julie Morgan:
Make it a teachable moment. Yeah. You're listening to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney of Florida women's law group. We're going to take a quick break here and when we return, we're going to talk more about not oversharing and treating them like an adult friend. Yeah, let's not do that. Stay with us. Welcome back to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney of Florida Women's Law Group. Heather, we shouldn't overshare. You mentioned this in segment one, a little bit in segment two, but let's really expound upon that. Don't overshare. This is not your friend, this is your child, even though they're an adult.
Heather Quick:
That's correct. It may seem as though you can because your relationship has transitioned some because they are an adult and there are many things that you do have conversations about with them, but that's their father. No matter what, it's just not helpful and it's not healthy for your child. They should not be your confidant. This really is going to put a lot of more stress and anxiety on them if they feel like now they've got to be your emotional support and that they can't still love their father, the other parent. So that's what that can create. I don't care what they say and I want to know. They don't. And you really ought not to tell them.
Julie Morgan:
That's interesting. You said that they may say, yeah, I want to know, tell me what happened, please tell me what happened. That may be the way they're trying to handle it, but no, you should not respond.
Heather Quick:
No, and I think of it this way. Especially when we're talking to them about divorce, we're still in these early conversations. We're not talking 10 years after the divorce, we're talking in it. Let's give a scenario that your husband cheated and did all these things and so that's what you want to share with them. Well they're going to be shocked and upset and angry at them, which is kind of what you want. That's why you're telling them. But what if it was you? What if you're the one who cheated, and let's be clear that happens of course on both sides. Then think of your child hearing that from your husband as to why the marriage broke up. You don't want that coming from that lens. I would suggest that you really say, “I don't want to get into all of it because we're still going through it.”
There will be a time when maybe we can have a discussion that won't be emotionally charged. Because we're both still humans. That's what kids forget is that their parents are really just human beings who make mistakes and are doing the best they can. Because they are like, but you're my mom and dad and they want you to continue to have those titles and be together. When you're in the middle of it, they're going to pick sides naturally maybe if you give them too many details. You say, I don't want you picking, there are no sides. We are still a family, we just don't live together. There may be a time when we can have a discussion that's not emotionally charged and blaming anybody, it's just making more sense of it to you.
Julie Morgan:
What that made me think, all of that, I wonder who tells what happened first. Is it the mom or the dad?
Heather Quick:
I would say that the kids figure it out because if it was an extramarital relationship, generally speaking, that relationship is still going on. In my experience, it is men who think nothing of, hey guys, come have a drink with my new friend. They put it together pretty quickly because men just do that more often.
Julie Morgan:
That's what I was thinking. I was thinking it's possibly the man, whether it is deliberate or not.
Heather Quick:
Right. They're like, yeah, well we've moved on, so meet my new friend. Then all of a sudden they're like, okay, now things are making more sense.
Julie Morgan:
And they start to ask questions, like how long have you known each other? And then they just put the things together. That's all. So basically don't give them any dirty details. That's just inappropriate.
Heather Quick:
I think so. I feel like that's a better way with which to move forward in our lives. Disparaging the father of your children hurts your children more than it hurts him. Most kids don't really want to know and they should forgive their parents, both of them for their mistakes and being human. So yes, I think dirty details, keep it out. It's just not appropriate and it's not going to be good for your relationship with your child.
Julie Morgan:
Is this also possibly a time when there's a role reversal where the parent becomes the child and the child becomes the parent emotionally?
Heather Quick:
It can very much, and sometimes even financially. If that's the role you 're playing and you're like, oh I need your help, your dad's so bad, whatever, taking all the money. That puts added stress on the children. I would avoid it. Just be mindful that you still are the parent and it's really always a good idea to set boundaries and not look for your children to fill this loss of your spouse because they're at this great point in their life and they've got a lot of other stuff going on.
Julie Morgan:
Heather, you say that you're not a mental health therapist or what have you, but you answer these questions like you are. I can appreciate it.
Heather Quick:
Yeah, I have the life experience, that I've seen it. I've seen a lot of things and I have read a lot. A lot of times it's like, what is the right thing to do? And that's how my advice hopefully falls.
Julie Morgan:
Yeah. So what about the children's relationship with their siblings? I wonder if that changes. If they have siblings, does this change the dynamic?
Heather Quick:
I think it does. Children naturally bond together because they feel like at least we all still have each other, even if they're not going to be together. Or they may, I think depending it can be very much like, oh, one feels more sympathy for one parent versus the other. One may have more anger at one parent versus the other. So I think yeah, there's going to be, certainly initially, the siblings are going to feel one way or another about it. And yeah, that'll be a change. But I think most of the times the siblings know they have each other, even though they may have different feelings about how the parents are handling it or which parent, they're going to naturally feel like they're aligning with one versus another.
Julie Morgan:
And I also thought about if one parent is just really bitter about the whole situation, it could also change the dynamic of the relationship with other family members like the extended family.
Heather Quick:
Yes, indeed. Because again, many times, depending on the length of the marriage and the relationships prior to, frankly, sometimes that extended family does include your husband's family. Those relationships you really don't want to change. A lot of times they don't have to. Of course, that's not all within your control, but certainly it's a factor. I guess the best thing is, if you're really bitter and really angry, you're not going to really be able to have probably a good relationship with those other folks because you guys, they're not going to want to be around you if you're going to be negative and angry.
Julie Morgan:
And possibly that negative or angry parent may not try to get their children to continue the relationship with the other family members.
Heather Quick:
Right, and then that usually ends badly. It might be successful at first if you're trying to obstruct some type of relationship. But usually I don't see that lasting very.
Julie Morgan:
And I remember us talking about this briefly in another episode. Do the grandparents have any rights?
Heather Quick:
No, no they don't. But you've got adult children so they can go and see who they want and continue those relationships. Hopefully grandparents at both sides still want to have relationships with those grandchildren. That just depends on the bitterness and everything of the divorce and angry and things like that. That's why a lot of that stuff that's going to happen because of divorce are beyond your control. You can't control other people's behavior, their emotions, their feelings. But you can control your own and how you show up in those situations. That's why if you keep that in mind like, hey, I'm going to be the grown up, I am going to try not to escalate any anger and bad feelings. Because enough of that may go on anyway.
Julie Morgan:
Now let's fast forward a little bit in life. Well I guess it really depends on how old the children are whenever the parents get divorced. But let's fast forward a little bit to those special occasions. Let's say a wedding. You don't want to be excluded from a wedding because you're bitter.
Heather Quick:
That's correct. Because that's their day and you certainly want to participate and not make it all about their divorced parents and that they can't be in the same room or how we handle things. I know there are going to be a lot of people listening there and be like, well, it is difficult. And it may be, but you don't have to be the difficult one. You can just understand, like I said, you can't control how your ex is going to behave. You can't control their feelings or emotions; you can only control your own. You can only really try to take the high road and continue that relationship with your children without bad mouthing the other parent because then they're not going to want you around if you're just only going to talk badly. There are going to be these events and you guys are going to hopefully both be there, or at least you. The person taking the high road. It's like, you want to be invited and you want to be included. So be the person and act like the person that other people want around.
Julie Morgan:
Another thing I thought about, put things into perspective, that event may last three hours or so, so you can hang in for that amount of time.
Heather Quick:
Exactly, and there's going to be so many of them. You're not going to want to miss out. You really aren't. I think the way it starts is truly at the very beginning, like we said, this does set the tone. And for your not necessarily new relationship, it'll be just changed relationship with your children because it's going to be you just as their mom, not as mom and dad together. That's all it is. It really doesn't have to be that changed. You set the tone at the very beginning in how you handle yourself throughout this and that's really going to benefit you long term.
Julie Morgan:
All right, Heather, we are almost at the end of our time here today. Anything else you'd like to add? Any parting words?
Heather Quick:
Well, as always, for our listeners, if there is anyone that is going through this or knows someone who is, we are here at Florida Women's Law Group for them and for them to call and schedule a consultation.
Julie Morgan:
And of course you can go to our website, womenwinningdivorce.com to listen to other episodes of the show. Heather, it's always a pleasure.
Heather Quick:
Thank you so much. Same with you Julie. I appreciate it.
Julie Morgan:
Thank you for listening to Women Winning Divorce. We hope you found information to help you navigate your divorce. If you like our show, please take the time to subscribe and provide a five star review. If you need more information, please visit our website at womenwinningdivorce.com where you will find previous episodes and other helpful content. Join us next week as we continue our journey of Women Winning Divorce.