In this episode, Julie Rountree, Esq., joins Heather Quick, Owner & Attorney of Florida Women's Law Group, to discuss making the decision and preparing for divorce. They cover how to decide on divorce, what happens first, and what to do after you hire an attorney.
“Many women need to hear that they deserve to be happy.” – Julie Rountree, Esq.
In this episode, Julie Rountree, Esq., joins Heather Quick, Owner & Attorney of Florida Women's Law Group, to discuss making the decision and preparing for divorce. They cover how to decide on divorce, what happens first, and what to do after you hire an attorney.
“There is a lot of fear there, mainly fear of the unknown” – Julie Rountree, Esq.
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About Our Guest
Julie Rountree is a Certified Divorce Coach and Family Law Attorney who has helped clients navigate the challenges of divorce and family law for more than 15 years. She is an expert at assisting clients through the emotional part of divorce, encouraging them to become more involved in their own cases, and thrive in their post-divorce lives. Julie is devoted to helping clients that are overwhelmed by the divorce process and ready to gain clarity, confidence, and the ability to move forward with grace. Julie is a certified Divorce Coach and Divorce Transition & Recovery Coach
Julie’s Social Media Links:
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"Women Winning Divorce" is a radio show and podcast hosted by Heather Quick, CEO and Owner of Florida Women's Law Group. Each week we focus on different aspects of family law to help guide women through the difficult and emotional legal challenges they are facing. Heather brings over 20 years of law experience that advocates and empowers women to achieve happier and healthier lives. Join Heather each week as she discusses family law issues including divorce, custody, alimony, paternity, narcissism, mediation and more. This program was created to provide tips and insight to women with family law issues. It is not intended to be legal advice because every situation is different. Visit us at https://www.womenwinningdivorce.com/ for more resources. Text us at 904-944-6800 for a copy of Heather's Top 5 Divorce Tips. If you have questions or a topic you would like Heather to cover, email us at marketing@4womenlaw.com
If you would like more information or resources, please subscribe below:
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This program was created to provide tips and insight to women with family law issues. It is not intended to be legal advice because every situation is different.
Heather Quick:
Welcome to Women Winning Divorce. I am your host, Heather Quick. I'm an attorney, entrepreneur, author and founder of Florida Women's Law Group, the only divorce firm for women by women. I love thinking big, thinking outside the box, creating creative solutions for women and empowering women to win in all aspects of their life. In each episode of this show, I will discuss how to navigate the divorce process, come out stronger and empowered on the other side. Welcome to Women Winning Divorce. Each week we discuss issues including divorce, custody, alimony, paternity, narcissism, mediation, and other family law issues to provide insight on the journey of women winning divorce. I'm Heather Quick, owner and attorney of Florida Women's Law Group.
Today, I'm being joined by Julie Rountree. She works here at Florida Women's Law Group as an of counsel attorney. In addition to being a family law attorney, she's also a certified divorce coach. So, don't worry, we'll get into more of that for sure, because she's an expert in assisting clients through the emotional part of divorce, encouraging them to become more involved in their own cases and thrive in their post-divorce transition. So, Julie, welcome to the show.
Julie Rountree:
Thank you so much for having me today.
Heather Quick:
Absolutely. Now, for our guests, please tell us a little bit about why you do family law and what you do now.
Julie Rountree:
All right. Well, for me, choosing the practice of family law was pretty easy. I knew that I wanted to work with real people that are facing real issue. I always try to find a creative resolution for them. I love to help and support people that are going through probably one of the most traumatic times in their lives. And love to work together with them, get them through it and help them thrive really after their divorce is final. So, you can't really find that aspect in a whole lot of areas of law. So, it was definitely family law for me. And I've been practicing for several years and it is definitely not for the faint of heart for sure, but I absolutely love what I do. It's very fulfilling and it's certainly a purposeful, meaningful career.
Heather Quick:
And just for our listeners, so Julie, I can't even remember how many years ago. You joined the firm, worked together for several years, and then you transitioned out for a bit of time, for more time with your family. And I have been asking you probably almost every year since then if you would come back. So, this year, we are finally able to get you back a little bit to help us with clients trying to figure out the process and helping us with those initial client meetings. But I really would like for you to tell us a little bit about the divorce coaching aspect. What is that?
Julie Rountree:
Yeah. So, this is something pretty new in our area and it is so amazing and such a great resource for our clients. So, when I was practicing family law a long time ago, I started to feel like there was this need to help our clients with the emotional part of it. So, as an attorney, we're trained to handle the legal side, but many of our clients really needed help with just being overwhelmed by the litigation. Our clients find themselves very anxious, emotional, they're very confused, they are unfocused, maybe even a little intimidated, whether that's from their spouse or maybe opposing counsel if the litigation is very high conflict and super overwhelming for them.
So, I found that clients were really needing our help and sometimes it wasn't a legal issue. So, I asked myself, how can I help our clients really get through this divorce and then help them with these emotional issues or issues that are not legal issues? So, I became certified as a divorce coach, and so now I do focus the part of my practice helping these clients with that emotional part of the case and helping them get through the divorce.
Heather Quick:
Now, tell us a little bit, because I mean we both know it's been around for a while, maybe not necessarily in our area here in Florida, but I've heard about it over the years, but never really a huge presence. But tell us a little bit the difference between divorce coaching, and we've talked about it on this show many times, going to a therapist, because they're not the same, but they're both valuable. So, if you can help the listeners understand a little bit about the difference.
Julie Rountree:
Sure. I get asked that question all the time. So, the best way I describe it is, therapy is really looking at an event that happened in the client's past. And the therapist will look at that event and see how it affects the client's present day. Also, there is typically a treatment plan that stays the same throughout the sessions, and it's not often that the therapist would stray from that treatment plan. It serves as their guide throughout the client's session. So, for coaching, it's a little different. For coaching and in my case, divorce coaching, we focus on that present day event that's happening, more specifically the divorce, and we look at the client's goals. It's very goal-oriented and see where the client wants to be in the future. Where does the client want to go? What does the outcome look like and how can we get them there?
So, instead of a treatment plan, we provide the client with a roadmap to get where they want to be. And it changes, so it does not stay the same as in therapy. It changes all the time because our client's goals might change. So, as a coach, we listen to what the client needs, what the client's goals are, and the roadmap does shift, but at the end of the day, we get them where they want to be.
Heather Quick:
Well, I know that is so helpful, because we tried to stay very outcome-oriented, goal-oriented throughout the process of divorce just to keep your eye on something like, hey, that is where we're headed. And I know it's tricky and it's difficult. So, it's so nice that you play that part in so many... And I know you coach for men and women, although we only represent women here, but just that's an important role for them. So, thank you for defining that a little bit more for us for sure.
Julie Rountree:
No worries.
Heather Quick:
So, today, we are talking about not only how to have the divorce conversation with your spouse, but also it's really coming to that decision and then preparing for divorce. And Julie, you and I both know that so many factors come into play when a woman is making a decision to get a divorce. And one of my questions that I ask women is, where do you want to be a year from now, for them to maybe begin to picture themselves in the future. But you've been in that conversation with so many women as well. And what are some ways you help them break down that decision process?
Julie Rountree:
When I first started coaching, I anticipated most of my clients would be in the middle of litigation, just overwhelmed by it. That was sort of my ideal client. So, I was very surprised when many women came to me just considering divorce. So, they hadn't had a conversation with anyone, friends, family, and certainly not their spouse, and they were just considering it and they're very scared. There's a lot of fear there. And it's the fear of the unknown and what's going to happen once I make this decision. What's going to happen legally? What's going to happen in my life, socially? What's going to happen to my family? Am I going to be okay? And so, absolutely, all cases are different and so it's hard to pinpoint. But yes, many women do need to hear that they deserve to be happy. And that is one thing we talk about when we sort of break down how do we start this divorce, how do we make this decision?
Another thing is finances. That fear comes from finances. Many of our clients have been a stay-at-home parent and have really sacrificed their own careers. They either haven't worked in such a long time because it's been a long-term marriage or they've never worked and they're not exactly employable right now. Maybe they need some interview skills or need to catch up with the rest of their peers, and they're just not in a situation where they can hop right back into the workplace. And so, we discuss finances a lot. We discuss budget, let's get a good grasp on the financial picture and see what you need. Are you going back to work? If you are, are you going to go back to your prior career? Or hey, is this a time that maybe we dive into something new? What does your salary need to be? Many clients come to us not even knowing their monthly expenses and really feeling guilty about not knowing the financial picture and not knowing anything.
Heather Quick:
I see that a lot and I agree with you. I think there is a shame about that a bit, because they're adult women and there sometimes is that, I just don't know, that creates a lot of fear in and of itself, doesn't it?
Julie Rountree:
Absolutely. There's fear. There's, again, like you said, that guilt, that shame. And we talk about, hey, you have trusted this individual to handle this and now there's a speed bump. We're going to get caught up. We're going to understand the true financial picture. And them knowing that information really gives them the confidence to start the decision making process and to really say, okay, I feel better about knowing the financial picture and now I'm ready to move forward. So, we deal with that a lot. There is certainly a lot that goes into the decision making process even when divorce has been on the table for several years.
Heather Quick:
And I think something that we'll have conversations with women who are, I mean they're here. Usually by the time they get to the point of meeting with a divorce attorney and, or a divorce coach, in their heart they know, but there's still a lot of logistics and a lot of minor things that need to be decided and they have concerns. I think children generally are a big concern and they have concerns no matter what the ages of the children are, because they have specific concerns basically at every age of the children, even adult children, and they have a lot of questions about that.
Julie Rountree:
Absolutely. I see having children being a huge concern. Having that conversation with young children is also an issue. How do I tell my children that we are divorcing? That is fear. They're fearful of that, just that part of it. And then, of course, like I said, are my kids going to be okay? Are my children going to be all right? Then we have other issues where there are special needs children in the family, and that just creates a whole other scenario and more stress and more emotion for the client as well. Like you said, at any age, at any stage, there's always a concern about how the children will be when the parents are no longer living in the same household and the marriage is no longer intact.
Heather Quick:
Right. And some of the things that when I'm having that conversation with women, and a lot of times that's a good reason in their mind at the time or a good talking point anyway to say, well, I'm not leaving for the kids. However, I generally ask them, well, what are you teaching your children about marriage by what you're modeling? And that's just a good question for them to ponder because we can't make this decision for them. I think that's a fair question for them to ask themselves and really look at what are we teaching them that this is marriage. Because that's how we learn in your family of origin, how you grow up, that's what you learn as far as what a marriage is and how each party should act and treat one another.
Julie Rountree:
Sure. I think it's absolutely a fair question to ask, especially when, like you said, the modeling of it all. And a question I also ask is if your daughter was going through the same situation, what advice would you have for her? Would you want her to stay in a marriage, and be unhappy, and endure things that a loving marriage shouldn't be about? And what would you tell your daughter? And it certainly gives them a different aspect and a way of thinking about it as well.
Heather Quick:
I think it helps because it can provide a little bit of objectivity to the actual situation. Because when you're in it, it can be so hard to really see and evaluate things clear, whereas when we're on the outside looking in, it usually looks pretty clear, obviously for us as attorneys, but even their friends and family. It's amazing how easy people can say, no, this is not a good situation for you. But I think that women are generally really, they, I would say list everything that concerns them. And actually their self is usually I would say as far as, well, I'm doing this for me, but it's really after they've broken it down for everyone else as well.
Julie Rountree:
That is certainly fair. I noticed that in a lot of our clients. And that not just goes for the divorce decision making process, but everything, mental health, self-care. All of that is always last for our clients. And that's part of our sessions too, in coaching, to remind them that that is of utmost importance and they need to put themselves higher on the list for sure.
Heather Quick:
I agree. We're going to talk more about this after the break, Julie. So, we will be right back. And after the break, we're going to talk about even before hiring an attorney. We talked a little bit about counseling, but counseling, attorney, what are the differences and what are some of the things that are useful about both? So, we'll be back in a moment. Thank you for joining us again. And we are with Julie Rountree, a fellow attorney as well as a divorce coach. And we are talking about women making the decision for a divorce, and when they come to us, and helping them decide, and having that conversation and moving forward in the process.
So, what I wanted to ask you, Julie, and talk about was meeting with a counselor or an attorney first, because I think we could easily go back and forth on this, because I think bullshit happened at some point and the order just depends on the person, I think. I think sometimes you meet with a counselor and they tell you meet with an attorney, sometimes you guys are like, you need to talk to a counselor as well. So, tell me a little bit about how do you look at that. What do you think?
Julie Rountree:
Well, I think that all divorces are so different. So, like you said, this is definitely a case by case approach and it could certainly go either way. My initial thought is if there's any chance to save the marriage or restore this relationship, then definitely seek some type of counseling first. Even if it's not marriage counseling at first, maybe it's just a single session and then it evolves into a joint session or some type of marriage counseling. I would absolutely recommend that maybe be your first visit or the first part of the team that you start with. I tell clients all the time, I am not in the business of divorcing people. I want to make sure this marriage, first of all, your safety is my concern and that your marriage can be saved. And if it cannot be saved, we are absolutely here for you as attorneys if you choose to go the litigation route and initiate the divorce. But if there's any hope of resolving the issues prior to filing for divorce, I would suggest counseling would happen first in your case.
Heather Quick:
And I don't disagree. Certainly, I'm not in the business of breaking marriages up, but I'm also not in the business of putting them back together. We guide them through the process, but so often we both are, well, I can't really answer that for you unless, of course, it's a safety issue. But counseling, I don't see a downside, even if you're just going by yourself. Because if you're even going to stay in the marriage, you probably should get some help dealing with the issues that are causing you to be unhappy. Or if you do go through the process, it'll help you strengthen your own ability to cope with it.
So, I think counseling serves a great purpose, certainly when you are considering the divorce. But I also think, with the attorney, it does help women get clarity on their issues. Because they want to see an attorney because they really don't know, hey, what does divorce look like? I don't know anybody that's been divorced. I've never been divorced, I don't know what I'm even looking at. And I think that is the best way to meet with an attorney, rather than, I mean you can get information on the internet. We certainly have a ton of information on our website, however, everybody's situation is different. So, you need to understand that, I think.
Julie Rountree:
Absolutely, I totally agree with that. And like I had said earlier, the more they know about the divorce process, if you at least go to initial consultation with an attorney, you're going to find out more about the process. And the more they know, the more feel confident about moving forward. And really, what's huge for all clients is having that reasonable expectation of the legal system and how things are going to work. And when they know that, they know that information, the confidence goes up and it's just amazing. They really feel more involved in their cases. They feel a part of the whole divorce process. They feel more a part of the negotiating process as we move forward, maybe forward looking into mediation and all of that. And they really feel like they played a role in it and were involved in it and were really educated on it. So, I love to make sure that the client, again, has that reasonable expectation of the legal system. And that's where your first visit to an attorney's office is going to arm you with that knowledge for sure.
Heather Quick:
Absolutely. And I think it also, because if you end up on that path, which we're going to talk about next, now what? You've gone and hired an attorney, but there's a level of trust that is so important and when you hire an attorney. Because you need to feel comfortable with that team, with their process, with their point of view. Because even our office, we're not for everybody. Some women have thought I was too tough and they wanted somebody who was going to be softer. Or it just depends on their perception, but regardless, you've got to be comfortable. And if that's the way they think, then this is not the right group for them. And if they would rather work with just one person, that they have their cell phone, and I know I can just call this attorney whenever, I don't have to deal with a paralegal or whatever. I think whatever that is, is so important for an individual to meet with the attorney and really assess and say, hey, is this the team, the person that I want to work with as I begin this journey?
Julie Rountree:
Absolutely fair. I think it is so important to have that chemistry with your attorney and like you said, that trust, that relationship is so important. I think the most important really is that the attorney is listening to the client's needs, wants, what are the client's goals. That is so important. I know sometimes as attorneys, we know the procedure, we know what needs to happen next. We've certainly done this before and we have that considerable experience that we know exactly what needs to happen in the roadmap. But in between there somewhere is our client's goals and what they really want as an outcome. And I think it's so important that the attorney listens to that and really does their best to make it happen for the client.
Heather Quick:
Agreed. Agreed, 100%. We always hear asked, what do you want? Because you know what? If it is not likely to happen or potential, but there's a lot of things that would have to fall in line, I think the client should be free to say, well, this is what I want. So, you can explain under the law this is what would have to happen for that or that might be possible or it's probably not. Or it's going to be an uphill battle, but so we got to start working in that direction. But I think it's really important that they are asked what they want, what they envision. Because as the attorneys, we need to know where our client is starting and really what they perceive. Because many times this is really their first encounter with a lawyer in the legal system.
Julie Rountree:
Yes, I hear that all the time during consultations, this is my first time ever speaking to an attorney. So, we definitely as attorneys have to be reminded that this is a traumatic event. And it is really, again, usually the clients or potential client's first time even walking into an attorney's office. So, that's huge that you mentioned that. And like you were saying before, I just wanted to comment on saying on the legal side, all the things that need to fall in place for what the client wants the outcome to happen. Even if we're not delivering great news or maybe this is a long shot, at least we're educating the client on the likelihood of what they're looking for actually happening. And just having that knowledge, again gives them that confidence because at least they understand what the likelihood is. Or maybe something, we've had a similar case before this particular judge and this is what was awarded. And so, it's a possibility, we've done it before and we can just, again, give them that knowledge, give them that information and they feel more confident knowing that.
Heather Quick:
I agree, because many times, and you know because we've known each other a long time, I'm like, well, maybe, but a lot of things have to fall in place. And then that allows the client maybe to be more open about, well, this happened and this happened. And there there's really a lot more going on here. So, it's like, well, we only know if we bring it before a judge and we have some other experts and we have evidence that really supports your claim. Or I usually see it a lot as it relates to time-sharing, which most people consider custody. And I've had many conversations over the years with not only clients, but sometimes their family, their parents who really are like, no, we don't want him involved at all.
It's like, well, I understand that. I mean because usually we do, we understand their feelings, however, the law is probably not going to support that. And our job and anyone going to see an attorney, you need to be told the truth as far as, hey, you may not want to hear this, but this is the law and this is what we're looking at. So, now that you understand that, let's work through to find some outcomes that will work for you.
Julie Rountree:
Very true. I know delivering that news, that the law isn't in the client's favor, is never an easy conversation, but that is our job, just to give our best legal advice. And like you said, now that we know the likelihood of it, let's be creative. How can we resolve this so you have a favorable outcome? Maybe there's a little give and take, but let's be reasonable and let's get the favorable outcome you're looking for and we'll do our best to get you there.
Heather Quick:
Absolutely. So, Julie, because I don't know if we agree on this or not, so this will be a good topic. Paid and hired the attorney, you know, the client knows, they've decided they want to divorce him. Now how do we advise them, okay, should I go tell my husband? I just retained you. I think that I owe it to him to tell him. So, if that's what the client says to you, what's your perception?
Julie Rountree:
Okay. Well, I know I've already said it, but every case is so different. So, this would definitely be a case by case for me. I do have clients that feel the need to say, I want to go explain to him that I've hired you and I'm moving forward. And while that is not workable in every case, I would say there may be some cases where that is acceptable. Especially, like we have mentioned before, divorce has been on the table for a while, both parties maybe have discussed it. Maybe there have been several separations in the marriage. This is not going to be a huge surprise to spouse.
If there are no safety concerns, and maybe this is a topic that has been discussed before, I would be okay with the client saying, "Hey, I spoke to an attorney. I hired her. She's very reasonable. She is hoping for an amicable resolution for the both of us and we're going to send a proposal to you. We think it's fair, we think it's reasonable. We encourage you to have it reviewed by attorney of your choice. And if you have any problems, you can call my attorney. Your attorney can call my attorney and we're going to settle it like this." So, that could be a way that it goes down that I would be okay with.
Heather Quick:
I think that does happen. I mean we both know that there are a lot of situations where it does, but then there are a lot where those facts aren't there. And I think my biggest, always safety as we discussed, but you need to be financially in control if you're going to have that conversation. Because they want to be fair and have that conversation and the husband cuts off credit cards and moves money, and all of a sudden they come in and say, oh, you were right, I don't have a dime. How am I supposed to put gas in the car?
Julie Rountree:
Yes. And this is the start of those high conflict cases where, yes, that would not be a good idea to make that announcement to your spouse or even friends and family. And again, that's all about being prepared prior to filing and making sure that you and your attorney have a strategy, have a plan, making sure that the finances, there's no way that you can be cut off from finances. Of course, if it happens, which we have seen it happen and we've had that experience and we know exactly what to do to reinstate everything and to bring that to the court's attention. But again, that's definitely a byproduct of a spouse not receiving that information very well. And it does happen. So, just being prepared financially is huge here if you think that this might happen once your spouse is served with paperwork and knows that the divorce has been initiated.
Heather Quick:
And when we have conversations with women, we're going to ask them that. We don't know their husband. So, now, many times they've told us enough, where our instincts are, I don't know that I'd have that conversation. You've told me enough things that I think this might likely happen. But sometimes even though you guys have fought, you've talked divorced, but you've never done it before. And it's the fact that you have actually done it that can very often really take men by surprise, and it's a hit to their ego, and they're just not ready for it. So, they may lash out and they may do things even uncharacteristically to them, as far as go empty the bank account. I mean, okay, it happens. It's just because it's a reaction to this. But also, I think the kids, when you have children, that's one of the things definitely discuss with your attorney and have a plan. Like you said, you can't control everything, but you can at least maybe begin to decide when this information's going to be shared.
Julie Rountree:
Well said. Absolutely need to have a plan. Having that plan, that strategy with your attorney and really even if it takes weeks to get caught up on the finances, we often advise our clients to make sure they have a really good picture of everything. Because sometimes, yes, during these high conflict cases, mail has a way of walking away and going missing, items, personal items, personal property. So, really having a good all around picture of what's happening prior to filing. And we don't have a crystal ball. We don't know how the spouse is going to react, but we can at least be prepared somewhat and have all of our ducks in a row prior to having him serve with that petition.
Heather Quick:
Yes, absolutely. And we've at least done this hundreds of times, so it's worth having that plan with your attorney. So, next, we're going to take a quick break and then We're just going to continue the conversation and talking about, okay, what's next? What should women expect now that they've decided to get a divorce? The process gets going. So, we will be back in a moment. Thank you so much for coming back to listen. We are still continuing the conversation with Julie Rountree, divorce attorney as well as divorce coach. And we are talking about when women make the decision to get a divorce and then what happens next. You're thinking about the decision, you make the decision and now we're talking about you've hired the attorney, and what's going to happen now, because a lot happens and a lot happens in the beginning that's different as it moves on. Right, Julie? I mean the initial can be quite overwhelming, because you talked about that with some of your coaching clients. It can be overwhelming, beginning of the process.
Julie Rountree:
Yes. This is where it all begins. And I do find that clients have different reactions once it's all started. So, many women feel very empowered, that after many years in an unhappy marriage, they have finally decided and maybe that decision wasn't easy, but they have finally decided to move forward and understand that they deserve to be happy. And so, it can be a very empowering moment for them to know that they've finally initiated the process. But like you said, it can also be a very overwhelming and stressful event for them as well. I have many clients, I would say the first issues that come are really having that conversation if children are involved, having the conversation with the children that the parties are divorcing.
So, whether I'm wearing my attorney hat or coaching hat, that's definitely something that we talk about. The communication is super important. Whether it's with your spouse or an uncooperative spouse I should say, that happens too, deciding how co-parenting is going to go while the case is pending. And roles may change while the case is pending and many things are going to be different. And just really giving the client those expectations of how to handle the things that might be coming down the pipes really helps. But the first thing is really having that conversation with the children and how to do it, and dealing with the uncooperative spouse, if that happens to be the situation, is really the first part that gets a little overwhelming for our clients.
Heather Quick:
I agree. And then I do think also, that one can be absolutely a lot, just emotionally and then trying to control that and everyone wants it to go in the best way possible. And so, that creates some stress into wondering can we pull this off in that way. But I also think that, I know for our clients that once we are getting ready to get started, maybe they haven't even told their spouse yet. They get a list and they get so much homework. But because they have to play an active part in the process in order for us to, any attorney to truly advocate on their part and understand the entire financial picture. So, I know one of the things, so for women listening to this and thinking, oh, okay, well, the hard part's over. I made the decision, I hired you, now you do it. And it's like, well, we can, however, just some things we have to have the client's cooperation to the extent they have access to financial information.
A little bit about what we talked about, I think in the first step, just understanding that financial picture to the best of their ability, really understanding as much as they can. And I think that there are a lot of ways we can help our clients. I try to encourage them, well, go to the bank where you bank. I know now not all banks have a physical location anymore, but get copies of statements, like our paralegals will help them go through to really piece together maybe what it costs them on a month to get by.
Julie Rountree:
Right. This is huge. Absolutely. Many clients that come to me on the coaching end who are very overwhelmed with litigation, it's usually around this discovery process. So, in Florida, we do have a mandatory financial disclosure process that can absolutely be puzzling. And yes, we need the client involved and that is huge, because those are things that aren't readily available to your attorneys. So, for the clients that sometimes find it so difficult to focus, and that's where we try to get our clients' focus on. We break it down into a nice little list of what we need from you and what we will be hoping to receive from the other side without any issue. And again, going back to really preparing the client for once you file, these are going to be the next steps, so be prepared.
And it really makes a difference when you have that client who is feeling super prepared and has done the homework prior to even filing the case and they know exactly what's going to be required of them from the courts. So, it's not a surprise and can help us make it a very seamless disclosure to opposing counsel and to the court. And it really helps make the case a lot smoother. Listen, anytime your case is running smoothly, you would be surprised how much that leads to amicable resolutions or at least people doing a little bit more give and take during negotiation and during mediation, and really gives both sides the most favorable outcome possible.
Heather Quick:
Which does help, because I think divorce and lends itself to people who are uncooperative because they're angry and they're acting out of emotions. And then what happens is then we really do, I mean I've seen it for so many years, then that lends itself to more suspicion and conspiracy theories and then the thought of, oh, my gosh, they must be hiding all this money. Because if you haven't been privy to a lot of information throughout the marriage, then when they're being difficult or what appears to not be forthcoming. And maybe they're just being lazy or they haven't been a good record keeper, regardless, they're supposed to do it. It does lend itself to, again, a lot more animosity, bad feelings. Makes it harder than as we get towards an area where, hey, well, we might be able to settle too much. So much has happened during the process and that can be difficult.
We've both dealt with that for years. I think one of the other things though that happens often, as we talked about earlier in the show, many times this is our client's really first encounter with an attorney. And then they're just opening up your life. It's extremely vulnerable spot to be in, but they're excited. They make this decision. We're going. And their experience with the law is the like majority of the public with TV and movies. In Law and Order, we have a murder, an investigation and a full trial all in 60 minutes, in 60 minutes with commercial breaks. That's not reality. But yet, we get the entire thing. And we have Amazon, click add to cart, buy it now, deliver today.
Our world is so instantaneous in many aspects that we haven't quite caught up in the legal field, because there's just time. And they may have been, the analogy, you've been in a bad marriage for 10 years, you wanted this done and you're here and you want it done yesterday. And there are certain procedures, it just takes time.
Julie Rountree:
Absolutely. And this all goes back to that reasonable expectation of the legal system and educating the client on a very typical timeline for their type of case. And when they know that and understand it, they may not like that news, but at least they have a grasp on it and it really affects the way that they are involved in the case. I think it's so important that they understand how it works. And again, just being educated with that really changes the dynamic of the case and the client's expectations.
Heather Quick:
It does. And it's one of those things that for us, and I do try to explain that six months, which seems so long for our clients, but we're like, oh, my gosh, we get this done in six months. Because 30 days, everybody has 30 days it seems like to respond to things. And then you just add that on, add that on, and then they're scheduling and it just is a process. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Even if the marathon is a nine month marathon, but if you can look at it in that way, I think it's helpful for clients, again, to have realistic expectations. And that we as their attorney and as themselves can only control one half of the process to some extent. Some ways we know we can maneuver and try to get there, but it's a process that sometimes takes time. And I know that is one of the things that we can't talk about enough for clients, because I know they're just like, it's like you finally made that decision. You're ready. You want it done.
Julie Rountree:
Yes. And hearing you talk about this just makes me think of the client that wants it done and then all of a sudden is willing to give something of considerable value up just to settle. And I always think it's so important that the client understands this timeline, so that they are not turning into that person who comes back to the firm a year later and says, I just wanted it done, so I agreed and now I'm having some real issues. And I know looking back, I shouldn't have given up this particular asset or given up spousal support and I just wanted it done. So, I love to keep the client in the know, because I don't ever want that overwhelming feeling where the client is so emotional that they're giving something up just to have the case finalized and just to have the ink dry on the final judgment. Because it is so important, like you said, treat it as a marathon and really get that most favorable outcome, even if it means some time invested in just to get the process done correctly.
Heather Quick:
I totally agree. And I think that for particularly women, because that's been our focus of practice for so long, I certainly heard it more than once. And usually, it's maybe we didn't even do their initial divorce and they're like, I just wanted it done. I signed anything. I get it because they are in the moment. But the conversation that we certainly try to have with our clients is, but we know were you're going to be three years from now. I'm looking at you in three years and I think this is not going to be satisfactory. So, if we can take a pause and truly think about what life will be afterwards, we're so close to the end that just a little bit more time will be worth negotiating and we're going to trial in the long run. Because we're looking at this window of maybe a year, year and a half of your life, but there's so much more. And within that time, which can be very difficult. And I completely empathize, because when you're in something itches seems like it's going on forever.
Julie Rountree:
Absolutely. It is so hard with all of the emotions for the client to really see the big picture in the future. And so, during our sessions, I often ask them, we do a lot of visualizing, which doesn't come very naturally to people, but I just say, close your eyes, what do you see in a year? And I want to know, tell me what do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? Tell me, I want to know what this picture looks like. So, we spend a lot of time looking at the future because like you said, you are so overwhelmed in this litigation, it really is hard to see the future, the big picture, even if it's six months out. But it's so important that we keep that in our client's heads and in the attorney's heads too, to know exactly what their goals are.
Heather Quick:
And I really like that. Because we talked in the beginning when we started this show and you were able to give us that great analogy and difference so we can understand, hey, this is coaching versus counseling. And you are taking what they're dealing with presently, but really trying to look to the future and really trying to keep their focus on that future so they can use a little patience, which that doesn't come naturally to me, of course. So, I understand. And that if you're willing to just hold on a little bit longer, then that will become the reality. So, I appreciate what you do, Julie, in how you help women get through this process. And I know you're a great attorney, I do know that. But now you have switched over with this focus, which is really, there aren't enough qualified divorce coaches because of your legal experience. So, that just gives you that added understanding and ability to help women through this process.
Julie Rountree:
Absolutely. I know exactly what they're going through because I've supported clients through every single step of litigation. So, having that experience has been super helpful in this for sure.
Heather Quick:
Well, we have reached the end of our show and thank you so much to my guest this week. Julie, it has been an absolute pleasure to have you.
Julie Rountree:
Thank you for having me.
Heather Quick:
Absolutely. I'll probably have you back again to go deeper into this divorce coaching. But if you want to find out more about how Julie can help you as a divorce coach and divorce transition and recovery coach, visit her site at mydivorcecoaches.com and they will also be in the show notes with the link to her site.
Thank you for joining me for this episode of Women Winning Divorce. If you or someone you know is looking for answers regarding divorce, reach out to us at floridawomenslawgroup.com and also join the conversation on social at Women Winning Divorce. Women Winning Divorce is the place for an elevated conversation on how women can thrive during times of adversity in order to live their best life.