In this episode, Heather Quick, owner & attorney of Florida Women’s Law Group, discusses stay-at-home moms and divorce. She discusses steps to prepare, alimony and going back to work.
Deciding to divorce is a difficult decision. It's especially difficult for the woman who stays home and raises the children. She's given up her career, education and earning potential to be the provider at home. Sacrificing her ambitions to support those of her husband.
The stay-at-home mom worries about how she will pay for the divorce, support herself and her children, retirement, and where she will live, all without access to money. This fear of the unknown can keep women in unhappy marriages. There are things you can do to prepare and help take control of the situation.
In this episode of Women Winning Divorce, Heather discusses how the stay-at-home mom tackles divorce.
This episode covers:
"Women Winning Divorce" is a radio show and podcast hosted by Heather Quick, CEO and Owner of Florida Women's Law Group. Each week we focus on different aspects of family law to help guide women through the difficult and emotional legal challenges they are facing. Heather brings over 20 years of law experience that advocates and empowers women to achieve happier and healthier lives. Join Heather each week as she discusses family law issues including divorce, custody, alimony, paternity, narcissism, mediation and more. This program was created to provide tips and insight to women with family law issues. It is not intended to be legal advice because every situation is different. Visit us at https://www.womenwinningdivorce.com/ for more resources. Text us at 904-944-6800 for a copy of Heather's Top 5 Divorce Tips. If you have questions or a topic you would like Heather to cover, email us at marketing@4womenlaw.com
Women Winning Divorce
Episode 46
Stay-at-Home Mom and Divorce
Julie Morgan:
Welcome to Women Winning Divorce with your host, Heather Quick. Heather brings over 20 years of law experience that advocates and empowers women to achieve happier and healthier lives. Each week, we provide knowledge and guidance on different aspects of family law, to help lead women through the difficult and emotional legal challenges that they are facing. Listen in as she discusses issues including divorce, custody, alimony, paternity, narcissism, mediation, and other family law issues to provide insight on the journey of women winning divorce. Welcome to the show. I'm Julie Morgan, and I'm joined by your host, Heather Quick. Hi, Heather. How are you today?
Heather Quick:
I'm doing great. How are you?
Julie Morgan:
I'm doing well. Thank you. Today's topic is a good one. I think they're always good, so I don't know why I'm saying that, but you know. It's another good one. I'm going to say that. Stay at home mom and divorce. Being a stay at home mom and wanting a divorce brings its own challenges. Wouldn't you say?
Heather Quick:
Yes. I absolutely would agree, because as we know, we've talked about this all year, divorce is a big decision. It's not one that, in my experience, I have not really seen anyone who makes that easily or on a whim. It takes a lot of thought, and usually years of thinking about, as we've also discussed. I think that with today's topic, for the woman who has been a stay-at-home mom, there are additional concerns and challenges that may make that a harder decision to make.
Julie Morgan:
So what would you say are some of those challenges?
Heather Quick:
The biggest one is, we all identify ourselves as one thing. So you have now identified yourself as the stay at home mom. The presupposes there's a dad out there working. Right? Somebody has to be working. So now what are you going to be? Because can you still be a stay at home mom if you're a single mom? Maybe not. You might need to work. You might need to go out there and take back some of the things that you gave up previously. In today's age, women still do make that decision, and it is for so many reasons that can come into play. Obviously, what is your career, your job? Is it something that you will advance at? Is the cost of care with your children too much? Will it be easier on your husband if you stay home and do all the work? The answer is yes, it will.
So despite the fact that in divorce, they talk about they need to go get a job, it made it easier for them at the time because there are so many times that financially, it's usually more than break even. But the cost for children prior to entering school is very expensive, whether that's a day care, a personal nanny. There's a lot of ... It's costly. It is. You have to balance all of those things when you're making that decision.
Julie Morgan:
Okay. Now something that you touched on at the start of what you said I think is very interesting. It's basically like an identity type of thing. Right?
Heather Quick:
Yes, right. You left the workforce to now be at home with your kids. Well, now who are you going to be? Are you going to pick up and take your job now? And I'm not saying that this is right or wrong. I'm saying this is a fear. I think that there's just a lot of: Well, now what am I going to do? And do I really want to do that? I'm not saying it's easy to be at home with your kids. But once you kind of get it worked out, yeah, it is a full-time job, but there's a lot of bonuses and pluses to it that you will have to leave. Then who's going to do all that stuff that you did during the day when they're at school and whatnot? That still all has to get done when you're working.
Julie Morgan:
So it just makes me think, and it just goes back to another show that we did, and it was on alimony. Right? And so it just kind of makes me think about that show because, what about if she was a stay at home mom, you get a divorce. The husband, would it be better for him possibly just to pay alimony so she can continue to have that stay at home role?
Heather Quick:
Well, usually when it affects their pocket, that's not going to be most men's go to. Right? But it just depends. It depends on what career you gave up. I think that women, we do ourselves a huge disservice by giving up our career and giving up that part of our identity for our children and our spouse. And it's hard to then shift back because now you're going to be doing it, but without your husband. If you do shift back, you might want alimony. I am a big proponent of the alimony laws here in Florida and how they serve to fill that gap. But it's very rarely, if ever, going to be the same. You've got to start thinking in that way. Well, what am I going to do? Maybe I need to go finish schooling. Maybe I didn't finish school.
Or maybe my husband's career brought us here. We made the decision jointly that we would follow his career here, and I fell into, I'm going to take care of the kids, help them adjust, help you adjust. And now I don't know what to do. I had a great job in Atlanta, and I did all these things. Now we're in Jacksonville, and I don't know what to do. So I get that, I think that is a real challenge and concern that absolutely has merit. It can be very conflicting for women, it absolutely can. Well, what am I going to do? I gave that up, basically. I made that choice. I think women should own that and take responsibility for that choice that they made. But now, now things are going to look different. Wow, how are you going to adjust to it? I mean, those are real conversations that I know are difficult to have and can be scary, and come into that decision. Now I don't want to be married. Maybe I don't want to live here anymore. I want to go back to where we're from, and a lot of things like that.
I mean, I know we can just come up with all these issues, Julie, as I can tell by your face. But that is the reality. That's the reality of what is going through women's heads when they're contemplating this. And what do I do?
Julie Morgan:
Okay. That reminds me of another show that we did, as far as when one spouse says they may want to move away. Right? Can you take the children? Oh, my. Okay. So yeah, this really touches on a lot. And if you guys, if you want to listen to any of those shows, you need to go to our website, womenwinningdivorce.com, download, subscribe, and listen because this really touches on so many other topics that we've talked about in the past. So something that you mentioned, you talked about basically the financial disadvantage that stay at home mothers have because, like you said, they gave up their job for a wonderful reason, their children. But that is a disadvantage, retirement, et cetera, I mean, a lot.
Heather Quick:
There's a lot. This could happen in any kind of stage of your kids' development, so still if they're still younger, there's going to be different challenges than they're young adults, or if they've left the house. I mean, whatever phase of life you are in, your children, but that's been your path, you are going to have challenges because on one hand, if you were in the workforce and you've only been out for a few years, that's going to be easier as far as you haven't been out of touch. But for women who never went back to work, and then it clearly worked for the marriage, now that's not going to be as much of an option. Right?
That's going to be: How am I going to start over? What am I going to do? So that's a different conversation because maybe you don't have a career to step back into. Or it's been so long that it's like I'm so out of touch, I don't even know that I could do that anymore. I'd have to maybe go do something different, which by the way, is okay. We live right now in an amazing world and economy, and so many things can be done without a degree, with just an iPhone, and creating things that are a business. Truly, the opportunities are endless, so I'm not saying this as there's no option because you know I don't believe that. I believe there's always an opportunity, but it's a challenge, and that's okay. It's going to be something that you do need to think about because I always want to help women get as much money as they can from the divorce. And you know that. I know you're laughing. But unless it's their money, then keep as much money from the divorce.
But regardless, I want them to be in the best situation possible. You know I'm very pro alimony, but I'm also being a realist and saying, "Yes, there is." But what if it's not going to be enough? Start thinking and appreciating how much value you have and what you have to offer. That I think is definitely a more positive way to think. You may not have the answer right away, but not as being defeated as there's nothing I can do because we can all do something. Now is it going to be enough to pay the bills? I don't know. But it's just knowing if there's money there, you're going to get support. You're also going to get half the assets. But there may be the need for you to do something else. And frankly, I think for all of us, we all need something that sparks our interest and keeps us engaged, so maybe it's finding what that is, as well. That will help you prepare and begin to take control of your life afterwards by at least starting with that right mindset.
Julie Morgan:
Another thing I thought about, let's say you have a stay at home mom, she says, "I want out. I don't want to be here anymore." How is she going to pay for the divorce?
Heather Quick:
Well, I mean, they have joint assets. Just because you're staying at home and supporting the home, but not financially, doesn't mean that the assets are not joined. We can go so many ways with that, but usually, if there's funds available and even if it's joint, well, maybe you want to start putting some in your own account to have your own money that you, which I think all women should anyway, by the way. Have your own account. Spend what you want to spend, and don't have to answer questions. That's just the way I feel. Wherever that money comes from, even if it's just a little bit, you ought to have that. That's freedom.
You may or may not have a credit card in your own name. You ought to. Women who haven't been involved in the finances or in the workforce, they don't recognize. They probably have a really great credit score because most of the time, they have been on the title with their spouse. So maybe they do get a credit card, get a post office box for the statement or whatever, so that you have access to money in order to begin the process maybe without him knowing.
Julie Morgan:
And you know what, we're going to go deeper into all of that. But it just made me think that they probably have a fear of the unknown when they approach this topic in their minds before they even get to you. Right? They probably have a fear of the unknown. What's going to happen?
Heather Quick:
Yes. Don't we all? Remember, we've talked about it on those episodes on domestic violence. People always go, "Why didn't they leave?" Because that horrible situation, at least it's the one they know. They know what to expect and how to manage it. And the unknown for anyone is scary.
Julie Morgan:
Exactly. But there are things that they can do to prepare and help take control of the situation, and that's what we're going to talk about. Right?
Heather Quick:
Absolutely, absolutely. There is so much we think, I think we all have a false sense of reality that we have all this certainty in our daily life, and that we know everything that's going on. I mean, come on, we don't have control over so many things. And me, as I am, I do like to be in control. Shocking. But when you really look at, you're like, "I have so little control of so much that goes on." Not even my dogs, for heaven sakes, you know how they go barking like crazy. I don't have control. They don't listen to me. So it's not really, but we tell ourselves. Right? We tell ourselves there will be some unknown, but there's unknown all the time. Thankfully, because that keeps us intrigued and keeps our brains working and assessing different situations. But yes, it's very easy to tell us that I don't know what it's going to be like, and so I'm not going to do it, or I'll think about it tomorrow. I don't want to deal with that today. I'll think about it tomorrow because it's too much.
But that is absolutely, I bet, now we would have to do a poll, but the number one reason that it takes women so long, or even men, to make that first decision is just fear because I don't know what that's going to look like. I don't know that I'm ready for that change.
Julie Morgan:
You're listening to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney of Florida Women's Law Group. When we return, we're going to talk about steps to prepare for those stay at home moms and divorce. Stay with us. Welcome back to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney of Florida Women's Law Group. Today's topic, The Stay at Home Mom and Divorce. Right now, we're going to talk about steps to prepare. So Heather, what is the first step that people need to take?
Heather Quick:
number one, you need to talk to a divorce attorney without a doubt. You have got to understand your particular situation, and how it will be affected by the law because you may know three women who got divorced, and they are going to have completely different outcomes potentially because their situation is different. The only way to get a clear understanding of your situation is to meet with a divorce attorney and understand, have clarity. These are the issues that I am going to be faced with, and this is how that scenario will work. That is number one. I will tell you because of what you learn, which you're not going to learn everything, I mean, you can't in an hour with an attorney who is not looking at any documents or anything like that. But you're going to have enough of an understanding to be like, "I'm going to move forward with this," which if you're in to see a divorce attorney, I'm going to tell you, Julie, you're ready.
Takes a lot, as we know, we just talked about it, years of thinking about it, searching, researching. But it takes a lot of courage to make that phone call, to set that appointment, and then show up. I don't discount that at all, and I think that when you do that, you are ready, and you just got to go with the momentum on that. Or, unless you're like, "No, I am going to give counseling one more shot." And some people do, and I'm not going to convince anybody one way or the other unless they are in danger. Then that's when you do advise, you need to remove yourself from that situation. But yes, that's the first step because it's going to give you, again, clarity.
What are you looking at in terms of time? How long is this going to take? And money, what are we going to be looking at? How is this going to affect me and my kids and relationships with family? Those are the things that you're going to find out once you meet with the attorney. Those aren't things you hear over the phone. You can't just call and get quotes over the phone. You really need to understand how this is going to affect you in terms of those things.
Julie Morgan:
And you know what, I'm thinking about this. This is such an important decision that you're making, you probably shouldn't want this just to be over the phone type of things. A face to face meeting is good, is important, so you can see what you're working with.
Heather Quick:
Absolutely, absolutely, because then you know. Remember, we talk about that all the time. Knowledge is power. To make decisions without knowledge, then you're just flying blind. There's no reason to do that with these kinds of things. There's enough that we don't know, but there's so much that we do, that at least you can be prepared for different scenarios.
Julie Morgan:
Right. And the divorce attorney will help you understand those scenarios.
Heather Quick:
Correct.
Julie Morgan:
All right. So let's talk about now something that we brought up in segment one. If money is an issue, what are some of your suggestions for someone that's in this situation?
Heather Quick:
Well, we want to help you and guide you as far as understanding finances. Very rarely do we get paper statements in the mail anymore. It's all electronic. But you need to know where you bank. That's a good number one thing to start, and go into the bank and ask for copies of statements. Generally speaking, you're going to be on, most people have joint accounts on things. Depending on the bank, they may tell you, "Hey, these accounts have your name. These don't." Maybe, because they all tend to be linked. Again, it's beginning to give you some of that information with your home, any credit cards, things like that. The more information you can gather, you're going to start to understand more about that financial situation.
Julie Morgan:
And my thought is, even let's say even before you get to that point, because I know the attorney will direct you, move you in that direction. But you say, "Okay, well I need to make a deposit or to pay the attorney." You can use a credit card for that. That's simple.
Heather Quick:
Absolutely. Yeah, credit cards tend to be really easy. There was a time when it wasn't as popular to use credit cards with attorneys. But there are a few people who carry a checkbook. I was having that conversation today. My husband and I always have to search around. Where's that one checkbook? I used to carry it around in my purse all the time. They made wallets to hold the checks. My goodness. But now, forget it. That's just obsolete. It's debit cards, credit cards. Of course, the legal industry has adjusted. And yes, they take those as payments. So yeah, you don't have to think, "Oh, my God. I don't have the cash or the check." It's a credit card to give you the access to get the information to start to figure that out.
Julie Morgan:
Yes, exactly. Exactly. And in the first segment, I also brought up alimony. Is it possible to get temporary alimony?
Heather Quick:
Yes. Yes, it is. We have to go to court and have that hearing to determine that. Those are factors that we're going to determine based on: Are you both living together or not? Is there still access to the accounts? Is his check still going in the joint account, you're paying all the bills from that? Many times, that's the situation, and that's very common in most marriages. Somebody's the bill payer, just by reason of divide and conquer the duties. So if you are, and particularly if his name's on a lot of these things, the money still needs to be coming in for you to pay the bills. That can be difficult if he decides, well, I'm going to move my check. A lot of people have all that bill pay set up, and then you start getting overdrafts. I share that because that's something that many women say, "He will never do that." He will absolutely do that.
If I've heard that once, I've heard it 100 times, he'll never do that. And it's like, "Well, you just wait. You just wait and see." Don't be surprised. Be prepared so that you understand this might happen. Should they do that? No. Should they allow those things to happen, so that you can't pay the power bill? No. Can we correct it? Yes, but not overnight. I will tell you, this is beyond what we're talking about, but it's important to know the courts do not consider any kind of financial issue an emergency. I know you're shocked, but it is not an emergency as far as the judges in these jurisdictions are concerned.
Julie Morgan:
You know what, I'm shocked to hear you say it again. I remember when we talked about this on another show, and you said that, and I was shocked then. But I think that's crazy because I mean, finances, that's an emergency.
Heather Quick:
It is. However, I know it sounds very callous, but within the court system, there are emergencies as to health and safety. Now electricity for many is health and safety, that is absolutely, but you just have to put it in perspective. I've been doing this long enough, and I've received the orders and heard it from the judges. Nope. I'm not even going to be as graphic as most of the judges are, but it doesn't qualify to get you in front of a judge really quickly, meaning within a couple days. Those are emergencies of health, violence, things like that, so that's why. For whatever reason, these judges still seem to think people are going to act civilly in a divorce. I don't know why. You would think that they would know that is not possible for everybody. For many people, it is. For many people, it's not. It's just not.
They are just so consumed with this divorce that they do things that otherwise they really wouldn't do, and especially know people are watching, but they do. All that to be said is that's why you don't use the joint credit card to pay your retainer and have not prepared ahead of time, so that you are directing this show, or this proceeding, versus being caught off guard, especially if your husband has control, and his name are on accounts and credit cards that you aren't the primary, so he can then turn things off, change things. It is what it is, it happens. That's where when our team talks with our clients, we suggest there's no need to share what we're doing here. Let's wait and see because it takes, let's say 60 days to get in front of a court. What is the plan after we file? So you just need to be prepared. How are things going? Let's be smart about it, which is what we talk about all the time. Have a strategy knowing what he may or may not do.
You know what, at the end of the day, if we maybe overthought and he does nothing, there's no harm in that. It's better than you calling the next day and saying, "He canceled the credit card or moved his check," and things like that. At least you can anticipate some of that.
Julie Morgan:
So in this segment, we're talking about preparing for this. One way to prepare, as you mentioned earlier, get your own.
Heather Quick:
Yes. I hope that even women listening to this will see that, and even if they're like, "I love my husband. I'm so happily married." All right. You know what, but you are the only one responsible for yourself ultimately. I think that as women, we need to do more of that. I know this is totally off topic, but I kind of think it's relevant, Julie. Kim Kardashian really got a lot of backlash for saying, "People don't want to work anymore, and they need to get up and work." And coming from her particular situation, she got a lot of slack for that. But I think at the end of the day, if we can enter into a marriage as equals, and not as Cinderella, and that he is obligated to take care of us financially, we may agree that you are going to carry the load for this period of time. You may agree that I, as the wife, are going to carry the load. However, at the end of the day, you need to have a plan for yourself.
That is something I feel really strongly about for any woman, is have your own thing. Have your own bank account. I know your parents will tell you the same thing, and probably did. I certainly know women years later are like, "I wish I had listened." I don't care if you're putting $20 in it a week. Have something that is your own, and there's not a downside to it. And understand that, yeah, your identity may be as a stay at home mom, but there's a lot you can do. There really is. It may be inconvenient. It may require less sleep, less leisure time, less social time. However, we can all carve out something that then you won't feel so scared. Right? At the end of the day, that's what we're talking about, this fear. Nobody wants to feel like that because you'll be like, "Yeah, I can remember back when I did this, and now I have found myself in this situation where I feel scared."
I may feel like a victim or helpless, but you're really not. For those who are listening that are early on in this, understand how valuable that is to do that for yourself because despite all those promises at the altar, I think we also should take responsibility for ourselves.
Julie Morgan:
Preach, Heather, preach.
Heather Quick:
I got way off, but just because that's what women ... Anyone who will tell you, who's been in this situation will say the exact same thing.
Julie Morgan:
I've heard that bank account referred to in different ways. One of the ways is mad money. Make sure you stash some mad money.
Heather Quick:
Right, and we've talked about it before. You know what, and however the finances, and that's always the biggest things because nobody ever has financial counseling. People have different beliefs about money and they don't talk about it. But as an adult, you should be able to spend the money the way you want. If you want to spend whatever on a facial, or Botox, or whatever, and that requires a lot of money, by the way. So why don't you start having your own account so that you shouldn't have to feel as though you're asking permission when maybe in that stay at home mom situation, what you bring to the table is so valuable. Managing a household and managing children and their schedules, and the younger they are, the more there is to do. Generally speaking, even if you are working, you're the one making the doctor's appointments, the dentist appointments. And that's just for kids. What about for yourself? Sometimes even for your husband.
I mean, mine, he's on his own on that. I'm like, "I'll cover most of us. But you need to be responsible for your own." Talk about school, and we've talked about that before. They start middle school, they've got seven teachers. Then you get seven emails per week, per child at a minimum. Then there's events, and there's lunch money, and there's field trips. And then there's family. And then there's meals and cleaning the house. And then you add pets in. So there's so much, and just because you are not receiving a paycheck for that, it doesn't mean there's not a lot of value there. Probably really healthy marriages should say, "Yeah, this is what I'm putting in my account for what I bring to the table because we both agreed to do this for the overall benefit of the family, which includes everybody." There's such good conversations to have that you may then not ever find yourself at our office if you guys can work through these things.
I do think as well, despite all of the terrible things that people do, but we represent women, so all the bad things the husbands do that we want you to come to our office to have a divorce. However, if you don't feel afraid or as if you don't have control over anything, or have a say in the finances, you might not find yourself in this situation because it's a healthier relationship. You're not in a situation of feeling like you don't have your own freedom, or control, or say as a partner in that marriage, which can eventually lead to the divorce down the way, just by virtue of time and the way things happen.
Julie Morgan:
You're listening to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney of Florida Women's Law Group. Today's topic, The Stay at Home Mom and Divorce. When we return, we're going to talk about alimony and getting back to work. Stay with us. Welcome back to Women Winning Divorce with Heather Quick, owner and attorney of Florida Women's Law Group. Today's topic, The Stay at Home Mom and Divorce. Right now, we're talking more about alimony and getting back to work. Heather, I really think people need to listen to the alimony show. If you missed that show, you've got to go to our website, womenwinningdivorce.com, download, subscribe, and listen. That was a good show. I liked that one. Anyway.
Heather Quick:
It's a fascinating topic always. And yes, I agree. I agree because it comes up a lot, if not always in a divorce.
Julie Morgan:
Yeah, yeah. You know what, let's touch on this. How likely are you to get some form of alimony if you're a stay at home mom?
Heather Quick:
Probably pretty likely. Now the reality is, and everybody I think can see this or understand, if there is one source of income coming in, and that's not changing in the near future, it is going to now have to support two households, so it's only going to go so far. You do need to grasp that. Everybody needs to grasp that and understand. If it's really barely enough to keep the whole household afloat, a lot of things will have to change. I do also want to say that just because, or even if your husband is not making $200,000 a year, that doesn't mean alimony's not appropriate, even if, let's say alimony's a couple hundred dollars a month, that's going to be valuable. So we have to look at many, many factors, and only an attorney after really assessing and knowing the documentation, and understanding the particulars of your situation can they tell you, "Hey, this is where I think you're going to be."
But it may still mean changes because of the expenses, say of the household, and how that needs to change. But yes, most of the time, we have a stay at home life situation, stay at home mom situation, and one person who's employed, all the stuff we talked about at the beginning. How long has that been going on? What do you have that you could go do? So maybe it may not be for a long time, but it still may be there. And it could be permanent. It's going to be so very specific.
Julie Morgan:
Okay. All righty. I remember we talked about: What's the length of the marriage? The ability to pay. So many different factors go into this, but that's why you're there to help.
Heather Quick:
That is correct because again, just because Suzie down the street gets all this alimony, it's not necessarily, that is not the way it is for everybody, or the amount. Everybody's facts are different. And your financial is different, so you have to talk to an attorney so that you can really have a good understanding of what it's going to look like.
Julie Morgan:
I don't know if you can answer this question for me. Of course, I'm not asking about specific people or cases. But is that something that may come up a lot? People say, "Well, my friend, she's getting such and such amount. And I know that I can get that amount or more."
Heather Quick:
Oh, it does. He paid all her attorney fees, and he did this, and this and that. The reality is, I don't know what their facts and circumstances were, and even if I did, and I was their attorney, it's confidential. I can't disclose it. Generally, you don't know as much, you don't know everything. You think you know. You don't know. We really don't always know everything as to why things work out the way they do. So therefore, that is not a healthy way to assess your divorce because it may not be comparing apples to apples. It's not educating yourself on your facts and circumstances and the law. I know, I get it. Of course, you see that, you're like, "Well, that should be my situation." I don't know, maybe your situation will be better, maybe worse. Don't know, but everybody's different.
That is number one why it's so important to speak with an attorney, you get realistic expectations. You're not basing on what you hear at the country club that they said so and so. Who even knows if that's true? I mean, let's be honest. You may have been divorced before. He may have been divorced before. That doesn't mean it's going to be exactly that same way. So I think that can just be dangerous in setting yourself up for unrealistic expectations.
Julie Morgan:
Another reason not to compare yourself with other people.
Heather Quick:
Because you're not the same, and you really set yourself up for failure. Any time we compare, we know we're not the same. You really are setting yourself up for disappointment. It's just a very self-sabotaging thing to do, to compare, which of course. Isn't that the intent and purpose of social media? But anyway, it's difficult not to. I hear, I understand that. It's nice to believe, oh, maybe this will happen. So it's better to find out and understand the reality of your situation.
Julie Morgan:
Another thing, so many factors go into alimony. But one thing I think is interesting is they, the courts, they look at your ability to work and provide for yourself. That goes back to what you said earlier, is taking control of your life and understanding what you need.
Heather Quick:
Exactly. So the law, and it's evolved certainly over time, but they really have to look at: Can you provide for yourself? Are we going to impute income to you? Meaning, this is kind of a crazy example, but not a terrible one. You have a law degree, but you haven't worked in 10 years, now this ... So they're going to say, "But you could do this, and make this money," and that's what the law will do. So you left that job in X city to come here. Now is this the market? Will it be the same? I don't know. But you ought to presume that it will and look at. Well, how will my skills translate? Because we do that a lot on both sides, if the husband were claiming that or not. It's called a vocational evaluation. Where people commonly see this, where it used to be, or it still is very common, in a worker's comp case, in something on the job working, they are going to assess. Well, what are your skills? What can you do?
Maybe you used to do this job. You were injured, so the company has to pay, or insurance. They have to assess what you could do and see what's out there. Well, same in marriages because that's really the only argument if you aren't out there looking for a job. Or what skills do you have? Those are going to be probably when the kids are still relatively young. Maybe you did have a career of some sort before, and they're trying to assess through an expert. What skills do you bring to the job force now? It can be really relevant because of technology in many jobs, so that's one thing. But you really should assess your skills. What do you know? What can you do? Because again, it's not really all just going and sitting in front of a computer. There's so many things out there.
Wouldn't you rather go work part-time somewhere and be like, "I like this, this is good," and understand? This is what I can earn, versus them telling you that. But there's also other options. You can go back to school. That's not for everybody, but for a lot of people, they're like, "I really never finished my degree to do nursing," or to be whatever you wanted to be. That is a great purpose of alimony.
Julie Morgan:
And I remember you saying if I'm not mistaken, there is a form of alimony that will get you through school. Right?
Heather Quick:
Yeah. There are all these different labels for alimony, and that being one of them, rehabilitative. It has a certain time. Basically, think about it, rehabbing, I need to go and finish my degree. So it's going to take me two years, X amount of dollars, and here's the plan. That's a very common form of alimony, which makes a lot of sense. It's a great time for you as a woman thinking, "What am I going to do to really look at that?" If I can be frank, get a degree that has jobs, that will pay you well, rather than ... I would upset somebody, but we all know there are degrees that probably that I would love that education, and I would enjoy getting that knowledge, but I'm not sure what job out there would pay me to have this knowledge.
Being very, at this point, being intentional. I know I think I could make probably a pretty good living, as well as schedule. Do you have kids? Think about all of those things. That's why I do think so many women go into education and it makes a lot of sense. They're like, "Maybe I'm not making a lot, but yet, I have this schedule that fits with our lifestyle." There's so many reasons. It makes a lot of sense. And education has a huge trajectory. There's a lot of options. It doesn't have to just stay in the classroom, but it makes a lot of sense. That's why so many women go into the medical field. You can have all kind of shifts with a lot of time off, and you can do different things that give you that extra part, maybe not the financial, but you have the financial, but then you have the time too.
So I think it's a wise time to look at that, and so many junior colleges and universities really have ... They can tell you. This is going to be a great job. Now I think we should all look at the benefits of coming out of a pandemic. There's so many virtual options, and so therefore, the job opportunities, really now it's no longer just locally stores. There's a lot of options. That's part of it, looking at: What are those options for me? There are a lot, and that I think gives everybody a sense of purpose and control over their lives that they begin to explore what those look like.
Julie Morgan:
Yeah. And you know what, another thing I thought about with taking control of your life, let's say something happens to your ex-husband and he becomes incapacitated. And there are no more alimony checks.
Heather Quick:
That is a sad day. But as we know, all these things, we have no control over. Right? I've heard some things. I've heard some disparaging statements made about ex-husbands or current husbands. But at the end of the day, you don't really want them to be hit by a bus because then that's not a good thing financially. So yes. Well, shouldn't they have life insurance? There's a lot of things that can and should be done. However, you're right. And Julie, we just don't always know. Things happen to all of us. What if he got really sick? He can't work. Things happen, and you don't want that to be, but when that is your whole financial future, that's scary too. It's scary thinking about ... Even if you're married, ladies, whoever's listening, that is it. What if something happens? Have you thought it through?
Because most of us don't, most of us don't. Most people, even if they have life insurance, are severely under that, you don't have nearly enough. It's really because we don't have that kind of control over things. We ought to think about that. What would I do? Let me have a plan because I owe that to my kids. Right? And owe it to yourself. So for a lot of reasons, I think this serves a great purpose because those are things nobody wants to think about, as far as death or injury. But it's better now than trying to figure out what I'm going to do. At least, I know I could do these things because you will do it when you have to. So why not think ahead of time? What could I do? Maybe I want to start dabbling in something. I don't know.
Julie Morgan:
Heather, any parting words?
Heather Quick:
Well, as always, Julie, for any women listening, I encourage you, if you have questions, if you know someone who has questions about these topics and concerns, please reach out to Florida Women's Law Group. If you want to hear prior episodes, as Julie said, Women Winning Divorce. We have all our episodes with just a plethora of content on almost every issue. But we love comments or anything to tell us what we're missing or what you'd like to hear. And as always, Julie, such a pleasure.
Julie Morgan:
It is, definitely. I'll see you next time.
Heather Quick:
Thank you.
Julie Morgan:
Thank you for listening to Women Winning Divorce. We hope you found information to help you navigate your divorce. If you like our show, please take the time to subscribe and provide a five-star review. If you need more information, please visit our website at womenwinningdivorce.com, where you will find previous episodes and other helpful content. Join us next week as we continue our journey of women winning divorce.